Forgiveness, Inner Child, Meditation, Thankfulness

Forgiveness to share

As I turned on my PC one morning, and said to myself, “I’ll meditate later..” -- I knew I was lying. Proudly, I stopped and sat in my meditation chair with a nice cup of thankfulness and gratitude. As I dreamed of wanting to be an inspirational teacher, I opened up my bible--Conversations With God. Only this time, it was Book Three, which I have never read. Book One has never failed to speak directly to my issues at hand. I open to a page and there it is, an understanding from the Divine. So, it was a pleasant surprise when Book Three did the same. Having just gotten it on library loan, I hadn’t opened it yet and so, as I’m being thankful for all that I have learned, especially forgiveness, I pondered how speaking and creating a “global” readership of my book, Circles in the Sand, was going to be created… with only a droplet of self-doubt lingering in the background. Opening the book, I read:

God: [after asking the author what his vision of himself was]
A person does not have to be widely known to be a great teacher. You went where all great teachers go. To your own wisdom::: your own truth. That is the place to which you must always go, for it is the place you must turn around and come from as you teach the world::: You know the truth of it in your heart::: You are not boasting::: bragging::: you are opening your heart.

Wow! Again, words spoken directly to my heart. All I have to do is stay true to my highest and grandest thought of who I choose to be.

That led me directly backwards, to take a moment to think about the lives that I have already touched. To think of how people--mostly women--have cried, shared, and been inspired that there is healing, forgiveness--there is light.

If you had told me that I would reach this point in life where I can now say I am a child of God, of the Divine, of love… and that I made it through the darkness of fear and hatred right into the arms of spiritual love, I myself would not have believed it.

And that brought me to thinking of our inner child… and then I remembered a young girl who stood at my booth where I was promoting Circles in the Sand for the first time at the Body, Soul, and Spirit Expo in Calgary. She stood off to the side, listening to me talk to some women, and when they left, we found ourselves alone, looking at each other quietly. As we talked, I shared with her how life can be scary and how it has taken me a lifetime to be able to love myself, although I was the “black sheep” of my family; I was “the girl in high school who got ‘caught’.” She quietly said she had anxiety. I told her what I did when I had anxiety-- that I had to remind myself that each time I felt anxious, I always survived--so if she could just hang on, knowing it will end and believing she has angels with her. I understood her peer pressure and the need to fit in and be “cool.” She nodded her head. I shared how scared I was to be standing at this booth, by myself, having written a book that divulged so many of my darkest secrets and sorrows… until one stranger said to me, “Thank you for being our voice. Thank you for having the courage.”
As I continued sharing with this little girl, I felt I was out-of-body, as if I was standing at my side, listening in on the conversation. I told her how that lady was like an angel and made me feel strong and I said maybe she--the little girl--could also be the one to stand alone and speak on behalf of all her friends who were undoubtedly as afraid as she was in trying so hard to be cool and having to step into a world that would slowly eat at their self-worth… at such a young age. At 51, I remembered and she and I were like one. I saw the sparkle in her eyes as she understood that I was afraid but still chose to stand within my power and that she too, could take a chance and do the same… Who was that little girl? I don’t know but this morning, again we spoke, only it was spirit-2-spirit. I upheld her in God’s love.

There I sat--full circle in my thoughts…

A person does not have to be widely known to be a great teacher. You went where
all great teachers go. To your own wisdom. To your own truth. That is the place
to which you must always go, for it is the place you must turn around and come
from as you teach the world::: You know the truth of it in your heart::: You are
not boasting::: bragging::: you are opening your heart.

Namaste

Youth With A Mission.... and me--a personal experience

Youth With A Mission - a personal journey

You know, I was in “YWAM” trying desperately to not be me. When I wrote Circles in the Sand, for some reason I chose to leave out the name of my “death camp” -- and I mean that with all due respect and in relativity to my life’s journey. YWAM was death to self and rebirth to Christ--but the judgemental journey destroyed my spirit, leaving me feeling even more abominable to God than I had already been judged by family. I don’t know why I “protected” the name of an abuser? As strong as that sounds, all fundamental/judgemental/dogma and religious fervor that refuses any possibility outside of a book is an abuse of ALL that we have surrounding us--galaxy upon galaxy / ancient civilization / a soul that speaks to each of us.

And now, murder and suicide and questions of YWAM being a cult. I don't think they are a cult because they let their members go. Although they certainly tried to strip me down--even the way I worshipped God disturbed them -- I think "extremist" "fundamentalist" is what Youth With A Mission is. Cult-ish in that they believe nothing outside of the Bible and being saved by Christ.

In my other blogging/journaling I see a common theme of how life "mirrors" back to each of us and I find it fascinating that the Islamic faith is greatly feared and "cult-ish" on our side of the planet BUT on the other side, you can look through the mirror and see a reflection of the exact same fundamentalist-extreme surge of belief and doctrine. They stand soul-2-soul outside of one chooses physical murdering of "infidels" while the other chooses "judgement and death of Spirit" to the "infidels" who do not receive Christ as the ONLY way to salvation and heaven. This is MY take; my experience; my journey... I hope if anyone is struggling with a forced need to change {ie: being gay is of the devil} -- please give a New Spirituality some thought. Perhaps "God" as he has been defined is much, much, much more than fear....perhaps she is LOVE!

As I struggled to survive a year with Youth With A Mission {plus another 3-month stint}, I was greeted by my family with another surprise…I was kidnapped by an ex-Moonie who attempted to deprogram me for 13-hours, all-inclusive with windows being boarded up, not being allowed to go to the bathroom, being manhandled, desperately trying to escape…. until finally the jerk with a major chip on his shoulder declared me sane! Come to think of it, that’s more than YWAM did--they thought I was possessed by demons, just as they believe this murder/suicide is of the devil…as is everything and everyone who does not declare Jesus as their saviour.

I think I have to go “The Work” by Byron Katie -- www.thework.com because I obviously have some more forgiving to do…. Such feelings of anger are reappearing for a worldwide organization that tried to change every thing about me in an attempt to make me acceptable in the eyes of God. It’s so mindblowing and I am so deeply thankful that I had an outlet to write about my journey through religion… my heart feels such sorrow for these deaths.

I want to say to any one who is struggling because they are trying to be in a religious-anything…YOU are beautiful -- that’s BE-YOU-ti-FULL exactly as you are as long as you come from a place of love--we need accountability and boundaries because we are not quite evolved to think BIG. Go within and ask the universe/Spirit/the Divine {we’ve become afraid to use “God” because of the misuse of his name}--ask quietly to be shown your soul, your heart, your love and know that you are safe being who you are.

Yes, YWAM gave me an opportunity to see much of the world; to allow me to help Lebanon as Israel invaded and interestingly, the Middle East became a metaphor of my life--but the one thing YWAM didn’t give was LOVE. They went as far as to bring me to the “casting away of demons” room because they felt Satan dwelled within. And we think Islam is wild!

I just sit by the ocean and feel myself drifting out of this galaxy and into the universe and looking back from God’s view…how un-evolved we are. It just feels so easy to LOVE but we have been innately taught that we are born into sin and with that being our starting gate, how do we crawl into self-love and then pay it forward?

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ….all we need is LOVE! I once asked my “twin-angel,” precious niece Tempest what she thought “God” meant and she looked at me as if I was crazy to ask because it was so simple an answer. Her wise old soul spoke through her 6-year-old body as she shrugged her shoulder in pity that I even needed to ask and said, “LOVE!” as if there was no other thought or word or dogma or religion or book that had to tell her what her soul already knew…. L O V E!

GRIEF / MIRRORS - Stage Two & On & On we go....

I have previously written about Grief/Mirrors and how we truly see each other within the mirror's reflection...through the eyes of another do we see ourselves.

In reflecting, after a heavy disagreement and misunderstanding and not being heard...I wrote a poem that I thought I would share. I hope it makes sense to someone out there who is angry with another...

OUTSIDE OF WITHIN


What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

What part of me left the cocoon of ALL
To allow arrows to pierce the heart…
Words to disintegrate like acid rain over my being

I see me…
What should be ALL of me has become fragmented now that I have wandered outside

Awe - to witness that which I had chosen not to be
I have forgotten for but a moment that has turned into a lifetime

I see me…

Little one?
Innocent babe already lying away from the womb
So soon feeling alone in that room

I see me…

I see me through you -- and your world
The world around me is within me…my mirror

You -- you who cause me hurt!
What power you have to stir such sorrow within my core

You -- who has rejected me!
What emptiness I feel with barely a word

You -- who spews insults at me!
What part of me allows myself to feel them as if I have spoken them and made them my truth?

I see ALL of me outside of the ALL

Oooh, the hurt, the anger, the sorrow, the abandon
Are you ALL of what is not?
Are you ALL that I must be before I re-member

I must go inside now
Within
I must stake claim to what I perceive as the world without causing hurt
It is I -- I echo a voice through my puppet
My puppet speaks insult but in truth, it is I

I have wandered away…

How do I return?

I see. I see. To re-turn is to make a YOU-turn back within
But first, I know
Still -- I know somewhere within -- that I cannot take with me what I have allowed to cause pain
For pain does not exist within

Aaaahh, I see
I see ALL of me as each wound stares into my soul

Come here my wounds -- come and I will heal you
For I have found a new me
The opposite of what you have caused me to feel

If not for you, I would never have found higher ground
For I would not have climbed such a steep hill

If not for you, I could not forgive
Forgive -- to free me
So that I could truly live

I forgive you with thankfulness
Thank you hurt, sorrow, anger
Thank you for showing me ALL that I am not

What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

Blessed ALL, for you have become I AM
I AM cleansed through the sweat of my sorrow -- through the sweat of climbing that hill

And now I see
I see with amazing clarity

I AM no longer those parts of me that are wounded
For they are disintegrated within the light

What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

With thankfulness, I leave the world’s reflections of my old self behind
I have climbed the steep hill because I have re-membered
I AM part of ALL THAT IS LOVE
I AM…

L O V E

Amazing personal experience while doing "Fire The Grid" for World-Peace meditation

I wanted to share where my soul seemed to take flight while doing the "Fire The Grid" for World Peace meditation -- I hope it inspires at least one person to walk through the fires of sorrow on our planet via their thoughts and prayers -- and to bring one soul from the burning refuge created through the oppostive of LOVE....

Here's my experience through the fire of the grid meditation:

It is my intention to heal my soul, to BE within love in each moment and to partake to heal our earth and love Her children.
I give permission to my soul to participate 100% at 11:11GMT with gratitude and thankfulness to be within the energy to rebuild my foundation and the foundation of the world; to feed my soul constantly and to feed the children of the world at the same moment.
I am firing the grid; I partake within the energy shift of this moment
I am grateful to find and know and feel and connect with my absolute joy within this spiritual hour.
My intention is for my body to awaken me in time to partake;
The greatest abundance of energy within this hour is one of love, of abundance for all, of love, of belief. The abundance of personal energy is to raise my own energy field to my higher spiritual level.
I am special
I am empowered
I am enlightened
I am a peace of divine source
I am a participant within firing the collective energy into WE
I walk into joy
I choose to feel the shift and have enormous gratitude for this honourable gift
I accept each human/each soul exactly as they are in this moment

I felt the layers--from my physical being to deep into the cosmos of my guides and angels and the planets guides and angels--and then deeper into infinity where the level of angelic realm exists that is not within this world.
My joy of life, of trees, of times with dolphins, snorkelling in coral, seeing this planet as mostly water and seeing that the seas need to be healed to allow life force to flow within her natural, undisturbed rhythms.
I remembered all of my moments in nature, quiet by the sea, snorkelling, feeling and sensing the beauty of this planet and of spirit.
I felt my angels and a spiritual realm around the space of myself and my eye’s view to the trees and sky and also to the pictures around my personal space of angels, fairies, nature, sunsets…and then deep into the centre of earth… as I became love and peace, I understood how my BEing affects this planet and all around me. It is a beautiful awakening to see how a choice-change can alter energy and consciousness of others. I saw why I must choose consciously to raise my own energy field to my higher spiritual level.

I saw all children playing, laughing, schools, eating, babies gurgling in their mother’s arms--rather than trying to catch their last breath on this planet--this image of a baby gurgling and cooing next to a baby starving and dying caused a rush of spirit through me…really showing me, allowing me to feel what is in this moment and what we can and will change. My visions fell to Africa and India and Thailand but mainly the first two as far as visions of children and mothers living in joy, rather than fear. Guerrilla soldiers put down their machine guns and came home to eat with families and to laugh; their need for war and power through violence left as they laid down their weapons.
I saw men and women, and the disconnect between these two powers. I saw men with the intention to rape women but in that moment of intent, their hearts changed. Rather than grabbing a woman to attack her, their arms outstretched to touch a woman’s shoulders, as if to create an excuse that the woman dropped something and to pass it to them…allowing for a light to come between them, eliminating fear in that moment.
I saw myself with men in prison, teaching them, asking them to look into a light at the front, urging within my thoughts for each of them to allow feelings and compassion to enter their beings as they knew not emotions of others. I saw myself with women and children, helping, teaching, laughing. I saw myself in women’s shelters and again realized the fragment of the two humanities of this earth.
I began to feel my self leave my body in a partial sense and float up to the cosmos--gathering the energies and sending them down to the earth. I felt like I was gently floating to gather the beauty of infinity and also to look at earth from a galactic view--to see the light; the change that has happened and then as my legs elongated back down to earth, the rest of my spiritual/angelic and physical body came back to my self.
Towards the end, my thoughts seemed to completely stop and a white light entered into my thought space. A thought came through but it felt distant--amazed at how easily this light took the space of my thoughts and then I understood to be still and let this white light download into my core the essence of my being and my spiritual role within this life. I felt the download happen and laid still, safe and peaceful, as light filled me.

As I opened my eyes, I still felt the spiritual presence and I knew I was home, where I am in this moment in our time and space. I heard the rain and saw the trees and sky and our beautiful pictures of angels around me and I knew I had returned from the most magnificent journey.
I now enter into an agreement to BE and give to this planet and its people--a love, a joy, and a belief in peace. And so it is.

{PEACE}

Below is from one of my dearest friends, who is truly a spiritual guru and “gets me”
It happens regularly that reliving biological birth tends to open up access in the collective unconscious to images and experiences of unimaginable violence, cruelty, and bloodshed. People experience atrocities committed throughout the centuries-episodes from wars, revolutions, the torture chambers of the Inquisition, and concentration camps.
When the process of self-exploration reaches this level, the experience becomes transpersonal. The history of the individual merges with the history of the species. People who began this process as personal therapy often feel at this point that they are actually healing not just themselves, but also the field of species-consciousness. It is as if the collective unconscious contained impurities, undigested stuff from previous ages, and as if bringing it fully into individual consciousness for processing actually represented collective cleansing and healing.
The depth and intensity of these experiences is far beyond the framework of what one can regard as personal, and individual people feel that they have become one' wlth suffering humanity.

BE the peace you want in the world.... an opportunity has just arrived for us ALL!

In May/07, “Healthy Wealthy nWise” interviewed Rhonda Byrne, creator of The Secret. Well the response to that film and the outcry for information about The Law of Attraction has been so strong that Ric and I decided to try an experiment - something of global importance right now.

http://www.attractworldpeace.com/

I hope YOU'LL join us...and the millions of other citizens of the world who will see and ACT on this compelling message. The power of The Law of Attraction can do amazing things. HUGE things...

http://www.attractworldpeace.com/

So today, right now, we're inviting you to participate in a global experiment to quickly usher in a new era for humankind...

http://www.attractworldpeace.com/

Click on the link, and for the next five and a half minutes immerse yourself in a whole new world... A world YOU and we are creating... We promise it will touch your soul and change your life TODAY...

With your help, TOMORROW we will change the world!

http://www.attractworldpeace.com/

Religion/Spirituality : Love/Hate : Understand/MISSunderstand : You+Me+"Them"=ONE {Imagine!}

Picture taken from Mount of Olives, looking through Christianity's cross and down into the Wailing Wall of Judeaiesm and the Golden Mosque--ALL from human history of the "one God"...


THIS HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM MARK JOYNER’S BLOG & TRANSFERRED WITH MY RESPONSE BELOW:
http://www.markjoyner.name/logs/archives/news/a_letter_from_an_anonymous_iranian_to_the_american_people.php#comments

May 08, 2007
A Letter from an Anonymous Iranian to the American People
The author of this letter is a friend of mine who just so happens to be an Iranian citizen.
In order to protect his identity, I can only reveal that he is a university student living in the city of Tehran.
During our conversations it became clear that those of us in the west tend to have some common deep misconceptions about the Iranian people and what life is like in Iran.
I am sure that bits of this letter will be singled out and used for the political purposes of those on the left and the right alike.
His motivation for writing this letter, and mine for printing it, is not political - but human.
The facts he states in this letter, though many of which will likely run contrary to our preconceived notions, can very easily be verified if you care to take the time to do so.
I've already said too much-as his letter stands quite well on it's own-in it's unedited glory ...
Mark Joyner


A Letter from an Anonymous Iranian to the People of America

OK, I first wanted to deliver this message to you in form of a video containing interviews with people here, but after receiving some warnings from from family and friends about the risks of it here, I decided to share this message for you in form of a letter.But just know that there's actually a human being - just like you - behind this letter, typing every word for you... You know how much focus there is on the news about Iran these days. When you turn on the TV and read the paper, you hear about it.You see the media tries to create an image in your mind about Iran and Iranians.But have you ever wondered how real it is? Have you ever wished you could see behind the scenes and see the truth for yourself?Well, here's a chance...After talking with Mark about how many big misconceptions have been created by the media, I decided to clear up some of them for you in this letter. Hope you enjoy reading them and seeing the truth...Do Iranians hate Americans and the people in the West?No, not at all. Just ask someone who has come here as a tourist and he will tell you Iranians are very friendly and hospitable with people from other countries.It's true that the media here tries to make people think the West is the enemy because that's how they get power. But most Iranians don't have any problem with other nations and actually like them.Yes, there are some radical groups (like "Basij") who think the west is the enemy but they are the minority. Actually this minority group is even hated among most people here because they interfere with our own people - like attacking and arresting women if they're not wearing the kind of covered clothed they think is correct, among other things.But the big majority of people here like other nations and want to live in peace and harmony with the rest of the world. So do Iranian people want to enter a war with the US?What do YOU think? Do people ever like to enter a war at all? Hasn't it been always kings and governments provoke and force people to this?The Iran's government may not mind a war, but the people certainly don't want it.Because people are always people. They have families who they care about and don't want to risk losing in a war. Also they understand the other country's people have families too. You know, war never has solved any problems. It only creates more problems.What about the Iran president? Do Iranians agree with him and his politics?Some do, but the majority don't. So it's important to know he certainly doesn't speak for all Iranians. So when he says something about Holocaust, writes a letter to the US president, or makes a speech in United Nations, he is NOT speaking for us either.But doesn't the President of Iran want to nuke Israel and "wipe them off the map"? I have heard the exact statement Ahmadinejad said in Farsi so I know what he really meant. He meant the Israel government should give its place to Palestine - like it used to be before.He thinks there should be no country called "Israel' on the map, and instead it should be called "Palestine". So what about the Jews living there? Well, they can certainly keep living there in peace because neither the government of Iran nor our people have any problem with Jews. Actually, did you know there are many Jews and Christians living here in Iran in peace?So what about terrorists? Don't Iranians agree with and support groups like Al Qaida?I was really shocked when Mark told me some Americans think Iranians support Al Qaida and other similar groups. Because Al Qaida and Taliban were one of the most hated groups among Iranians - even years before the September 11 tragedy, because of what Taliban were doing to Afghan people.If you go to the streets here and ask hundreds of people if they agree with those groups, I guarantee you'll receive some shocked faces looking at you wondering what strange question is that?Are Iranians all Muslim?Even though most people here are Muslim, but there are also many Christians, Jews, Atheists, and others living here in peace. And just like other Iranians, they too like Iran's culture and are proud of their history, but don't agree with the regime.So how is life in Iran really like?If you come to Iran today and walk in the streets, what you will see may surprise you...You will see parents and their children walking happily together...You'll see children playing soccer in the corner of an alley...You'll see young boys driving a sports car fast and playing western POP music in the car...You'll see couples walking hand in hand and talking...You'll see normal stores, shopping malls, restaurants, and people living their ordinary life.You see, people are people - no matter if they are in New York, Paris, Tokyo, or Tehran.So how come the picture the media shows is so different?(I know because I sometimes watch CNN and BBC through satellite TV and check out their websites on the Internet.)You know, it's an art of the media to take a tiny part of the whole picture and make it look as if it IS the whole picture.Just like there are Ku Klux Klan in America. It would be easy to use images of the KKK and paint the picture: "See, this is America."They do it over there to show a cloaked picture of Iranians, and they do it here to show a cloaked image of Americans.But today the Internet gives us the opportunity to discover the truth for ourselves - if we are open to do it.So to you that are reading this letter, whether you live in the US or any other part of the world, warm regards from the people in Iran.[Your peace-lover friend from Tehran, Iran]

Samadhi’s response of May 22nd 2007:
My response--from a very personal and Western insider as far as the Middle East. Although I have not been to Iran or Iraq, I have lived, worked, and travelled in Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Saudi, Oman, Israel, Palestine, Egypt, the United Arab Emirates…

I have been searching the web, looking for people within the Middle East, so that I can spread my wings again and make a connection. If any of this message sounds self-serving--I can only ask you to trust that in my heart of hearts, I am sincerely wanting to reach out to those oppressed within the Middle East primarily--and women of the world.

Having lived, worked, and traveled through much of the Middle East, I realized I was always "escaping" to the desert because of my own oppressions. I did not have an outer veil or burka, but I certainly had an internal veil, suffocating my soul, my voice, my right to be seen and heard as a woman.

I wrote my first book, Circles in the Sand, which I thought was my personal journey but have quickly discovered how it resonates with many, many women--and even men--who understand oppression, abuse, war, hatred, discrimination... It is a communal journey from darkness into light.

I now see the Middle East as a metaphor for my life's journey. That Circles in the Sand has touched the lives of those who have read it motivates me to keep believing that if I can touch one, I can touch one million.

Some experiences I have personal understanding of {and which are noted in my Theme Chart on my web site} are:
Family dysfunction {which branches out to Arab/Jewish “family” dysfunction}, homosexuality in both the East and the West, religion versus spirituality, women's oppression, a nation's oppression, war {having been in Lebanon in the 1982 Israeli invasion}, death, fear, illness and the connection to my biography, forgiveness, and death.

Although I read the Iranian gentleman's phrase put very gently, almost unnoticed {in his above-letter}-- “the Israel government should give its place to Palestine - like it used to be before. The Iranian President Ahmadinejad has stated that there should be no country called "Israel' on the map, and instead it should be called "Palestine".--this is the root that must be pulled out and replanted. Anything built on this foundation will crumble.
Their truth--and that of every Arab country--has been said in various tones but the message is so, so clear--to simply remove "Israel" and rename the land "Palestine"... this is THE MOST IMPORTANT statement to understand. It is the truth of every Muslim country--Israel is not allowed to exist. It is the root of the Arab/Israeli conflict, no matter how softly spoken. I have lived and worked with Arabs who are Muslim, Christian, Druze, Shi’hite, Sunni… the feeling is the same with all, and there truly is no denying it. They have told us repeatedly, but we just don’t want to listen--and that includes Saudi, who the U.S. is extremely friendly with--how odd?!

Having been drawn to the Arab world over and over, including Palestine, I have personally felt their oppression and have heard hundreds of voices in unison over the decades declare that Israel does not have the right to exist. The fact that the U.S. supports Israel is interweaving politics with our Judeo/Christian history and yet, the U.S. has managed to do business deals with Saudi... ignoring the terrorism acts of Saudis on those planes; ignoring that women are executed regularly; ignoring that there are executions each and every week... it's all such a crazy mess and only we--one by one--can begin to collectively change our world.

Although my book has the underlying running storyline of my personal traumas, there is much said regarding life in the Middle East and religions that we somehow manage to pretend we all share the same God--Christian/Islam/Judaism--and yet, that "same God" has the three of us fighting. Something has to give "peeps" of the world.

I personally will send my book to any individual or book club, especially women around the world, if they would like an inside look at both of our veils of oppression.

Not yet having funds in my bank, should you have the finances, I would be honoured if you purchased my book but...I will send a copy to those I can.

I know in my deepest place of spirit, that there are healing words and tools on how we can step out of our egos and personality disagreements and step into the light of LOVE--a new spirituality--just pure LOVE.

As I often think, "Imagine all the people...living life in peace" -- it's not beyond our reach!

"Thank you" to this Iranian man for speaking your truth.

I know, having been in a war zone and having been in Israel with bombs going off every other day seemingly, that the truth of life within that environment is very, very different from what the news shows us. I truly get it and feel and understand you... may Allah/Yahweh {you are brothers}, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Mary Magdalene {if we dare believe}, and the multitude of Masters who have only asked of us one thing... to be LOVE...may their LOVE and LIGHT be shone through each of our hearts.

Grief / Mirrors -- Stage Two {you gotta read first blog with this title

As I have settled into the next stage of “grief/mirroring” in a relationship-sense, I’m slightly numbed by the array of energy that came from me--when I look back at an internal or external anger/extreme sorrow/hurt, you--I--see just what the toll is on my body, mind, and spirit and it ain’t pretty. In fact, my body is continually reminding me that I can no longer “contain” these emotions. You would think after two heart surgeries {physical/metaphysical again}, that I would understand in the exact moment that I move into an unhealthy feeling to get out. The good news is that I understand much faster than ever before and call my spirit back so-to-say. I guess we have to feel sorrow to know joy and there isn’t any going around the emotional-journey but rather, going via the drive-through so it’s fasttracked!!

I forgot a major KEY component on learning in relationship to another. It was only yesterday that I was telling people about this amazing wealth of knowledge I was learning and comprehending. When someone pushes your buttons-it’s because it is-my lesson, or, moment of opportunity--I get pissed or not impressed or annoyed or whatever UNTIL I realize that I can make another choice

BUT first I need to understand the whole concept:

They are pushing my buttons to.... Well, let's let Neale Donal Walsch from Conversations with God explain it from one of his awesome book:

You see, what we do as human beings is, we set the pins up, then we knock them down. What we do as human beings is, we create the exact, right, and perfect set of circumstances {speaking metaphysically now} to allow us to express a part of ourselves that announces and declares who we really are. If who I really am, for instance, is a healer, I will create, metaphysicically, the perfect set of circumstances to allow myself to express "she who heals." I will, therefore, bring into my experience, and even, at some level, create in my outer reality, illness.
The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am.

So, my error was to bring “those who hurt me or pissed me off; ie: my sister” into my experience. If I feel we are pushing each other’s buttons, then it seemed a great opportunity to express it and see it and grow--together BUT I took “me” and made it “you and me.”

What a Master -- no, let’s say GODDESS -- could choose instead--and this is where I now choose--is to see this as my own experience and to change who I am within this experience without another ever knowing, hearing, or being drawn in. People will then know me by my LOVE, not by my, “Hey YOU, I feel you and I push each other’s buttons….”.

I even said there was a sure-fire caveat to this journey through becoming a grander version of my greatest self and that is -- when I am wanting to let’s say “meditate in Manhatten” -- then all of Manhatten will come right at me---bam, bam, bam -- to give me that exact opportunity to choose change:

The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am

How crazy hilarious in a sad sort of way that I’m preaching away and seeing already things coming at me, attacking me {my old self} asking me, “Well, do you wish to continue being your old self or experience a new and grander version of YOU?”

See, “ugly” isn’t a coincidence. It’s an opportunity to look at “ugly” and declare it to be “BE-YOU-ti-FULL” !!

I don’t know what else will be coming down the pike, but I’m getting grounded and stabilized to keep on keeping on and reCREATE a brand new me--love, compassionate, and forgiving of myself and others… that’s my dream. With slight trepidation, I say, “Bring it on universe… bring it on {just a little bit gentle though- pleeeeaaassse”

Grief / Mirrors

I'm just rethinking about religion this morning and needing to get back into my "peaceful" place. In my book, Circles in the Sand, I talk on how the deserts of Arabia were my own reflection of myself as well as all the religions I have personally tried in order to be seen as okay by God and family--which never has happened btw!

I'm in a funk because my born again sister, who SO totally doesn't get me and continually says exactly the same--that I don't get her... and so, stalemate all because of bloody religious dogmas.

I've tried to pull myself away from the constant bombardment of what a sinner I am and thought I was well on my way into that spiritual zone of nirvana... but after receiving another punch-to-the-gut response by me to her--in what I thought was a love/peace and "please understand me" attempt AGAIN, I have to crawl out of grief and into "that place" where I have found love...because she came back with such a barrage of ANGER.

It's true--I have contempt for religion but let me say, religion brought me to "spirituality" and so I must thank my "enemy" for showing me the way to light. Spirituality, by-the-way, ain't no walk in the park at times. One is even more accountable because the journey is an inside job -- it's all about changing ME versus changing my outer experiences. If I say I choose to be accountable and own "shit," -- well, there's just nowhere to hide anymore.

My book was a purging and cleansing but I mistakenly hoped to be "heard" by my family. I truly thought I had grown away from that "need" and so... I now must choose "who I want to be within this moment" and let me say, it's hard not to want to be enraged, sorrowful, and scared and sad and giving up on the whole gameplan. That's why I'm again purging, possibly to myself, possibly to others should they see this blog, and whichever the case, it's for me to find me and get me back into that peaceful zone of love, understanding, compassion, forgiveness... that's spirituality for me.

Being raised Catholic, having born again sibs, and the constant bonbardment of abuse--I thought was far behind me {I never thought I had to cry a few more tears but clearly, I do}.

Funny, my original title for this BLOG was:
Mirror Images are Identical... {Catholic/Muslim} Hello! Another PINK ELEPHANT in the house!.
I was sharing about the POPE and the audacity to change "God's mind" about little unbaptized babies being saved suddenly. Another mirror image you see -- Religion to me is NUTZ and here we are, mirroring out to Muslims about them, rather than looking at ourselves!!

...which brought me to {because I've been in the Middle East so much and had such an out of body experience--sitting at the Wailing Wall--about Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all merging on this one tiny corner in the city of Jerusalem... enough "merging" to cause war after war. And millions of us believe this is God's will. I know it may be hard to stick with me on this purge BUT, I'm hoping that somewhere inside it will make some sense--to YOU but mostly, to ME.

BUT in truth, it's about grief and mirroring for my own life:
: Mirroring the desert as a metaphor for my past life
: Mirroring me not being heard to my sister feeling the same
: Mirroring anger

Mirror Mirror on the Wall--who's the fairest of us all?
Wouldn't it be so cool to say WE ARE ALL THE FAIREST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL… BE-YOU-ti-FULL!!!

I think I am finally back in "that place" where I can go meditate while sitting "in the middle of Manhatten" {metaphysically-speaking}

: Mirroring LOVE and FORGIVENESS

As John Lennon said... I M A G I N E

Neale Donald Walsch, bestselling author Conversation With God series and more

Technorati Profile

Neale's coming to Vancouver to complete his worldwide tour of ONENESS and it would be awesome if you could come!! We -- by connecting through Bono and American Idol and Neale and on and on -- WE can change the world!!

We're just a hop, skip, and a rock's through from Washington, Seattle, LA... c'mon and see Neale in action. His video is on my blog if you want a peak at his gentle genious. He's friends with Bono and the connection feels so complete!!

Allelulia!! Babies are Now SAVED at last!!!

If you can enlarge it, you can undoubtedly read the great news in any paper or on-line or through the Vatican's Theological Commission or on The Catholic News Service website!!
No offence intended; it's just my journey and the outrageously insanity of what we, as humans with brains, have allowed ourselves to fall into...

I would love to ponder with the “peeps” of the world how the human-made-decision to make the Pope Catholic...no, I'm sorry--to make the Pope INFALLIBLE has given HIM the ability to decide to suddenly save babies who were once {and that's a REALLY LONG "ONCE" doomed... but now because the Pope is without sin--he has the power to tell millions and millions of Catholics that unbaptized babies will no longer be doomed--but suddenly SAVED!!

With this infallibility, ability to change--at presumably God's will--any law whatsoever, I would love the Vatican to help God/Pope to keep us waiting no longer... and get to the presses with HIS writings of his own Conversations With God--with or without having to meet with the Vatican studies group!! What sayeth God to the only human who is without sin in our current age?

I was born Catholic, raised Catholic, and it took me into my fourth decade to get OUT in more ways than one... OUT of the closet; OUT of religion; OUT of how this tiny little planet brings GOD into our little tiny space..

Doesn't anybody want to trip out of our galaxy, into the other cosmos, and have a God-eye view on whuz-up?? God = LOVE so why is the planet so out of love with each other? IF only we could step out of our skin, out of our mind, and into SPIRIT. I have finally found peace within Spirit, leaving religion--all of them--behind. If we each thought about it… I wonder??

I've reacted to this insane article and decision because {sadly-- it's a story that touches home in my book Circles in the Sand -- about when my sister's baby was dying and against her wishes, my mother snuck in a Catholic priest to perform the Last Rights so the sweet, precious 10-day-old darling soul of Mick wouldn't forever be plunged DOWN {although when we're in the cosmos -- there is no Up and no Down and No East and No West... groovy & cool}... to LIMBO for eternity!

Settle down on prayers to God for the next while because THEY have a "hole" lot of backlogged babies at those gates, waiting to finally get a cuddle from Mother God....

Two more stops before Vancouver

Just in case there are PEEPS out there who have read the Conversations With God books, seen the movie, seen The Secret and know of Neale Donald Walsch, there is still time to see him.
If anyone has read my book--a journey truly through the darkness of religion {several} to the lightness of just BEING LOVE, you'll know that for me to promote something "spiritual," that it is for everyone.
Especially in times of war, hatred and killing--his talk will be about all of that and how the world is the way it is today and how we can individually and collectively use our ENERGY to change our seemingly downward spiral!
There's lots of various info on my BLOG but here's his final stops -- give yourself a present and go -- your life will change forever and nope, you won't be in a cult whatsoever {as my family thought I had been once--they even had me kidnapped by an ex-Moonie for deprogramming}. See, I know about religion and I've chosen spirituality with a twist because I can be quite vulgar and unladylike at times!! {ha-ha}....


Enjoy an"AROUND THE WORLD IN ONENESS"
The Humanity's Team 2007 World Tour
REMAINING STOPS:

* ARGENTINA -- April 22-23, Buenos Aires
* UNITED STATES -- April 27-29, Atlanta
* CANADA -- April 29, VancouverFor more information on times, locations, and ticket availabilities for these events, go to www.htworldtour.org

IF anyone comes to Vancouver--you absolutely must say HIGH to me and give some hugs!!!
Peace-out for now!!

Peeps of the World--Come join in an incredible journey with bestselling author who had a movie made about him {don't WE wish} &is part of The Secret

Conversations With God & US & a NEW SPIRITUALITY where we are all just LOVE

Here's the link -- if you know anyone in Vancouver--pass it to them; if you know anyone with $$$$$ or who is a philanthropist--pass it to them.
When we give, so shall we receive -- thank YOU "peeps of the world"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PL6mogIVMNs

authorblog: Put Your Blog On The Reader Radar

authorblog: Put Your Blog On The Reader Radar

Conversations With God Author & ME & WOW!!!

4.5 x12/HOURS PER DAY SEMINAR WITH MR. NEALE DONALD WALSCH AND MASTER YOUNG HEE… PHEW!! Now, that was the wildest, most incredible MAGICAL MYSTERY TOURS I’ve ever been on!

Full of such moments of joy, relief, love, thankfulness, gratitude, understanding, and alchemy--that spread to the “back of beyond,” and a moment in time that I will keep within every moment I have.

I have been asked if I’m “still processing” and the answer is, “ALL-ways”--I choose to process as much as I can, without coming to a stop.

In post-retreat, I have gone to our beautiful ocean {where I often find myself going}--a place to absorb the glory and majesty of the mountains, the ocean—with her ebb and flow—the sky, the wind, the trees, the birds. As I sat within that space, I was soon no longer the observer, but I was part of what I was observing. I was part of that glory and of that creation. Pure heaven on earth, only with all of my senses feeling the power—the moment--God was is tangible.
Mr. Walsch spoke in such a way that our hearts soared to a place of understanding that makes life all seem so very simple—even talking physics and connecting “space,” “energy” into metaphysics—the images that came to mind when asked to feel and see where my energy stops and yours begins and so on was magnificent! This body could not possibly contain ALL that is. I so got it!

For anyone trying to find that “catch phrase” that will help them in moments of anger, or rage at missing a green light, or someone cutting them off, or any of the daily moments we have, I have learned to say, “All is perfect” and putting it into practice these last few days has been wonderful. It immediately implodes that energy of negativity and I simply move on. The amount of moments where I need to say, “All is perfect” is another story!! Something that I am sure will become less and less as I accept each moment more and more.

This five-day-intensive held the most life-altering moments, moment after moment. Even if Mr. Walsch wasn’t speaking directly to me--he was. He would tell others and look at people, saying the exact words that I knew my heart was feeling. His gift to become transparent, to be so human and so God and so spiritual--all mixed in together--was such a joy. I felt that I was watching him sit quietly for a moment and sometimes begin speaking almost out-of-body -- that’s what it felt like to me. I saw him open his entire being and become a vessel for Spirit/Energy-knowledge to flood through him, pouring on to each one of us.

I would also like to honour those souls who shared this event with me. They/we/us each played our roles as well. Stories touched all of our hearts. My question--on more than one occasion--was the same question others had and vice-a-versa. Something someone said resonated with so many in the room. My story bled into another’s journey. We shared common wounds and sorrows of the past, with a clear understanding that we all have a story {as Neale said} but we also all have a choice who to be from this moment forward. I wrote my story and added at the end:
And why I made it up {why I chose my story}:

I made it up because my soul knew that to truly feel and understand Divine
Light, I needed to experience the opposite, which is darkness. To those
who have been given much {good or bad}, much is required!

My absolute favourite passage from CwG, book one:

You are goodness and mercy and compassion and understanding. You are peace
and joy and light. You are forgiveness and patience, strength and courage,
a helper in time of need, a comforter in time of sorrow, a healer in time of
injury, a teacher in times of confusion. You are the deepest wisdom and
the highest truth; the greatest peace and the grandest love. You are these
things. And in moments of your life you have known yourself as these
things.
Choose now to know yourself as these things always.

Master Young Hee {Master of the Dahn Healing System} was/is the most gentle, peaceful, calm, radiant woman as she quietly played a “ki” role in the whole time together, yet humbly stood back and just gave freely and quietly, allowing her gifts to also pour through us. I felt such an honour to be within her humbleness. Thank you for all you gave to each of us, in opening up our chi/ki/energy, finding our centre, and bringing our mind, body, and spirit into alignment. Thank you!

I want to go on and on {well, most will say I already have}, but I will close with when the moment to say good-bye came. I saw Mr. Walsch {Neale}, standing, smiling, with his head tilted to the side… as I walked toward him, we hugged one of the most beautiful hugs I have ever received. I remember saying, “Oh God--Ooohhh--GOD” as we hugged. He said nothing and my heart felt back to the place where HE asked, “Where do you end and I begin?” We were one in Spirit. In the deepest sense and knowledge and understanding of this statement, I end with:

Namasté
I honour the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells,
I honour the place in you, which is of Love, of Truth, of Light and of Peace
When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me
We are One

Namasté

E.J. Samadhi Whitehouse

: Now I know why surgery has been on my mind

Wow, have you ever seen a subject line on an email and just know that you don't want to open it? That you hope it's a joke? This is the second one in my life...

My web "master" as he loves to be called -- but I more often call him "my-brotha-from-anotha-motha" because he's wonderful, a mentor, a teacher, a former internationally bestselling author, has movie rights {bidding} to one of his books, loves his partner Diane, has babies with four legs and long tails -- horses.

On Diane's birthday a few months back, he went for "the money shot," jumped over a fence and seriously injured himself. He had to have surgery last Friday and he and I spent the week sharing emails about preparing for surgery, reminding him about enjoying every moment of life... because nowa'days, you do not sleep in hospital the night before surgery--you walk in off the street, put a gown on, and walk to the O.R.

I think I may have been the only outside friend who shared and listened to him share--he said he really appreciated it and felt totally peaceful. He and Diane went out for a delicious dinner the night before, as did Lorraine and I the night before my surgery... I told him I was proud of him because he was able to enjoy that night and the beauty of a moment in time, rather than being in a hospital bed, alone and getting scareder and scareder.

I called him mon'bro and he called me little'sis... I know I was "high maintenance" because I wanted a beautiful web site and was always asking for something.

I emailed him late last night, thinking a week was long enough not to bug them and I asked how he enjoyed the anaesthesia, tripping off in the cosmos, and had he come back into his body yet... his partner Diane told me he passed away. He had surgery and in the evening, had a cardiac arrest; they never got to him quick enough... he was on life supports until Sunday or Monday and then that was it... he tripped right out of the cosmos into the "back of beyond." I feel like I've lost my brother, my friend, my guy who knew the business, my fan, my support.... today has been so sad. Lorraine {my partner} and I went to the ocean and walked around all day, needing to be close to MotherEarth. Lorraine helped me--reminded me--to change "death" to "passage through to the next journey."

Amazing how we are often preparing for something but don't know it's coming. He didn't see this coming and neither did I or Diane... only his spirit knew. I guess this was a fulfillment of Morey's destination for this trip, and he will move onward and upward. Phew again... I am so sad--he was into physics and he would always say, "quantum physics," but I would say, "spiritual energy." Now he knows and I think I heard him and felt his presence today as I stood on a bluff... I think I felt him say "Hey..."

I don't know how to replace my guy and a whole new web site and relationship with someone; everyone knows that site is where to go but Diane can't sustain it. She said she wanted to mail me the money for the year's membership and that Morey would want me to have it but I decided to ask her to give it to a charity he would love... I don't want it. I want my biggest fan--I cannot imagine Diane's grief but all I can do is send her love and spirit wings to hold her and cocoon her while she gets through this.

So.... I guess that is why so much "dying, illness, death" has been in my head and my heart.

Everybody -- take a moment to really feel this moment. Love life. Life strong and with happiness. The oddest thing is that "death" is the most visible commonality between every living thing and person, and yet, we just don't get it that it could happen tomorrow... until it does.

I'm changing with each tick of the second hand and every beat of my heart--I am bringing myself closer and closer into that cocoon where I am safe, even if I don't get the full mysteries of life....

Namaste -- go hug someone today!! Go on now...I'm gonna!!

: I've moved from HM to #22 -- yippie

Top Blogs For Week Ending 03 MarchThese awards recognise the simple fact that the work of a newbie blogger whose site has only attracted 10 hits can be ranked alongisde an experienced blogger whose url has 10,000 hits.
#22. http://circlesinthesandbysamadhiwhitehouse.blogspot.com/

It's an honour just to be nominated--although I believe I nominate myself more than anybody else nominates me! Is that so wrong????

: Surgery -- another thought today

Wow, it was such a cathartic day when I was able to write out my emotions and see how long it took me--and what it took--to get back to that peaceful place. Phew, and then more and more keeps coming. This must be written in the stars to begin something new {or something very old that is needing a NEW approach perhaps}.

I felt so grateful in my last post to be alive and live to tell about the day. The week has gone on and a new feeling has washed over me.

For those who never my first post on heart surgery, my ribcage was not put together completely and is causing a constant irritation/pain when I breath deep, walk fast, burp, hiccup, sneeze, and basically....breath and live.
Surgeons and specialists have passed me from one to another, nobody wanting to take the lead, saying only surgery to reopen and try and close it again is the answer. My surgeon who did the work doesn't even know all this has happened. I'm sure if he new, he would care. So, here I am, two years gone by, realizing time's aren't a'changin' and I need to deal/cope/accept all of this. There is one guru in my life helping and that's my wonderful chiropractor; without him, I would have zero help... here's a beautiful continuation to help me grow and find PEACE {she's always hiding somewhere inside of me--you'd think I would remember that by now} Oi -- to be human!!

I woke up today and as I splashed water on my face, I looked down at my scar. I remembered how for most of my life, I had used my sexuality because that's what I had learned to do to be "loved" but once that scar appeared at such a young age {for me} -- I had to throw out my beautiful sexy dress I wore on special occasions. I had to adapt, which added to my already begun journey into true healing. I joked to myself that I would tell others I lost in a dueling sword match; yeah, a fencing match. That would be my fame. I never did use that story.

Even after my second surgery and years later, I sometimes feel uncomfortable but then, I remind myself that I AM alive. Today was beautiful. As much of my healing {spiritual and emotional} took place in the Middle East, my mind often goes there for interpretation. Today, I saw my scar as an Arabian woman's veil--hiding her/my true wounds or self or core of our essence underneath that visible scar... it was the invisible that would be either more painful or more joyous as moments tick by. For me, the moments have turned into hours into days into weeks into months into--well--infinity. How I would love to take the veils off of not only our Arabian sisters, but each of us who veils and hides what's beneath the scar...

And just under my veil, I suddenly imagined my ribcage as a huge gate into a mansion; in essence, making me the gatekeeper, inviting in whatever energy I chose to see what lays beneath her mysteries. The gate is slightly open, allowing for one's eye to peak through the gap and see inside... the majestic mountains {you say mountains, I say lungs}, the beautiful streams, waterfalls, and rivers {you say blood flow and arteries, I say flowing chi / water {life force}.... As your pupils adjust to peaking through the small hole in the CENTRE of the ribcage/gateway... you see a beautiful, pulsating, heart-shape, seemingly the core to all of the other movements--the maestro who keeps the tempo, the rhythm, the BEAT... on and on and on--to the rhythm of life itself.

Oh, how I love healing... as it is late, I'm suddenly thinking Shakespeare {I think}--it's time for beddie bies to sleep, per chance to dream -- Good Nite Peoples of the World
Namaste

: Sharing with others about rape/abuse {emotional and/or physical}

I copied what I wrote to her because I don't know how to add it to my blog and want us all connected. I assume that is okay....

Post a Comment On: Rape Recovery
"buried emotions"
1 Comment -

Show Original Post

E.J. "Samadhi" Whitehouse said...
Hi there; I keep seeing titles about rape and help centres and my heart wants to leap in... this is in no way advertising and in fact, I will send you my book. My story may have a bit of a twist but rape to me is any sort of abuse that has ripped out a "peace" of your soul. I was led to write my story and am now being led to be in groups and through the energy of several womyn speaking and sharing together--we can each find the love within ourselves. I truly believe my angels {and believe me, I have done the religion, born-again, almost marrying a Muslim, and everything else in the name of the fear of God} so when I say my angels and Spirit -- I am needing to let you know that I am very spiritual with a street-smart edge. No more judging... I once asked my precious niece, who was also abused, what her definition of God was, and she didn't miss a heartbeat before saying, "Love!" --like, what else could He/She be? Tempest and I called each other twin-angel because we shared a bond of understanding.Anyway, IF you are in a group of any sort, I would be so happy if you took a look at my web site, checked into whether you feel my journey may resonate in your heart, and I would be more than honoured to become a friend on a healing journey. Once {and if} you read my story, you will see that anything is possible and I'm sure I can say the same for YOU. We can make it... I feel so connected to love and have finally found a way out of that very dark tunnel. Maybe these blogs is a beginning for all of us -- a new roadtrip -- only with joy and laughter and happiness and love all waiting at the end of the highway to join in.There was another message on my email from a womyn/girl/Goddess-in-training tonight, and I believe in my heart of hearts that all of these messages {yours, hers, and the stirrings of my heart} are signals not to be ignored.I have so much I want to share but I won't take up too much of your space unless you feel a connection and a ray of hope that together, with others, we can ALL drop our wounds just as we shed layers of skin and cells in our bodies change constantly... I send you warmth and peace and may your dreams tonight be full of angels and love, holding you, encouraging you, and showing you the beautiful woman that you are...Namaste
March 2, 2007 10:03 PM

: I AM

I AM
Have you noticed how often these two words are used?
I AM Canadian [a famous beer commercial]
I AM woman--a freedom song for women’s rights
I AM what I AM -- a declaration from the gay community
and
I AM that I AM -- a statement of God that each of us is part of the I AM

We are told of the laws of the universe--what we dwell upon the most is what we become. I AM beautiful or i am an ugly creature on the inside and out—either thought will create in our life just that thought. You would think that each of us could easily and quickly get to that understanding yet, so many of us spend the greater part of a lifetime trying to find out “Who I am?” when it’s all-ready been told to us. I AM ___ ___ ___.

Have you ever felt life consumingly through the eyes of fear?

• If something good happened, you instantly feared something bad was coming to take it away.
• If you dreamed of winning the lottery, the dream was shattered by a voice reminding you that you wouldn’t live long enough to enjoy it because death was now imminent.
  

To feel so worthless and unsafe—that anything wonderful or happy was automatically entombed in a spell of darkness. Constant thoughts of death and damnation. Survival mode 24/7. Survival from your father’s actions, rippling down through the family, into relationships, on to the streets, coursing through your blood and through to the core of your being… like being swept up by a tidal surge. Survival from a bombardment of voices, all declaring you are an abomination to God. Can you imagine all that being on inside, but on the outside--to the world--you were happy and bubbly… except with your family, men, bosses, and your self.

You {I} gave your {my} power away, allowing them--even your{my}self
to destroy you{me}

Imagine discovering a one-step, two-word program -- not a 12-step lifetime victim process that could take you from darkness into the light--from fear to love--from anger to forgiveness.

Much of this process--for me--took place in the Middle East--the “middle” of chaos, oppression of women, veiled and unseen—as was I. They and the deserts of Arabia would become my life’s metaphor. A stark, empty, desolate desert… until I found the oasis.

Until I found what I thought was lost--my soul.

This is my journey through Circles in the Sand.

It is not only my journey, but a woman’s journey, of finding her truth, her voice, and her empowerment and something we all search for--the right to be loved.
I AM LOVE

{This is my "pitch" that I AM practicing and trying out--I have a teleconference tomorrow so it may be a bit late in asking for an opinion on whether YOU would find this interesting enough to warrant opening the pages of Circles in the Sand??}

: Just wanted to show that I'm an HONOURABLE MENTION, I am!!

Can you tell that I don't know how to link this below post to my own blogspot -- yikes. One day, I shall be the teacher, rather than the student in the back of the class...
Here's the GREAT BLOG -- it says I get bragging rights so...... and oh ya, I would LOVE to get 10,000 hits to my blog. C'mon peoples!!

Aussiejourno's Weekly Blog Awards

Top Ten Blogs For Week Ending 24 February

1. http://aquarius2626.blogspot.com/
2. http://www.ramblingtraveler.com/
3. http://chewy-myblog.blogspot.com/
4. http://dancewithsun.blogspot.com/
5. http://steph-lealman.blogspot.com/
6. http://www.bartraeke.com/
7. http://colorado-bob.blogspot.com/
8. http://web.mac.com/allancook/
9. http://www.dearcinema.com/
10. http://travellinmama.blogspot.com/

And an honourable mention goes to http://circlesinthesandbysamadhiwhitehouse.blogspot.com/

: Surgery -- Anyone relate to the "Why Me?" factor, but with a twist

Yep, it's very easy to be in "my sacred place," or "my higher self" when things are great. BUT, yikes--life has Her way of reminding us to appreciate those moments without having to do much more than sit within gratitude and thankfulness that all is well.

I've had two heart surgeries, thus my next book is called "Three-Heart-Harmony" because it's taken three variations of my heart to get me to this point. You think I would always be in that higher place, wouldn't you? Me too... and then life knocks on the door.

Being a gay woman, I sadly found that both surgeries, performed in two different cities, handled my partner the same way--as if she were not there. Thirteen years ago, they were even colder to her and she suffered more than I did as she watched surgeons coming out to husbands and wives of patients to hear the progress... no-one came to Lorraine. Fast-forward thirteen years and "we" are having surgery on the exact same day—only it's 2004. Coincidence? I don't think so. Only this time, there were complications; lung collapse, fluid on the lung post-surgery, extra day stay in ICU, inflammation of two chestwalls which created a rubbing-together sensation--ouch is right and, let's see now... oh ya, blood loss needing blood transfusions even when transferred to my own room. What did they tell Lorraine? Nothing except when the surgery was over, a cursory, "Everything went fine." Lorraine's fear and innocence felt the stinging slap of not being visible--again.

Fast-forward two years. New development--the ribs aren't put together properly. There's just a "tiny" section in the middle that's open. Is it just me or do others wonder if a "tiny" section of a rib cage that should be closed and secure is open—that that just doesn’t sound right? I guess I now understand why I have this constant, chronic OUCH when I breathe, sneeze, cough, walk, exercise, and well.... live.

Being a person who has written a book on emotional and spiritual healing {Circles in the Sand}, I have learned many of the answers on how to "get to that healing place" and deal with situations, rather than be angry or the "why me" thing. I guess I just needed to vent today. Funny thing is, it was when I was on the cross-trainer, working out and meditating, thanking the Universe for a heart that has finally calmed down and feels peaceful... it was in that moment of gratitude when I felt this surge of, "If I didn't have this bloody rib cage problem, I'ld be well on my way to absolute physical healing, fitness, and blah, blah, blah" -- It's taken the whole day to think about all that I have; to think about those who have surgeries and are told it wasn't successful at all; those who have chronic illness/pain that no surgery will fix.... it took looking out at the gorgeous sun, the mountains, the ocean, listening to healing soft music... and still, what crept next into my thoughts was of the chief resident who performed the surgery {which is always the case, in case you didn't know that]... when I saw her after surgery, she was a B-I-O-T-C-H, zero people skills and yet, I started thinking--just when I was getting calm--that her energy touched my heart. Now, it's been two years so this has clearly been making its way to the surface to deal with. It all just bubbled up--Buddha knows how this anger has coarsed through my veins and arteries like a small injection of poison--I thought I had learned and dealt with all that past anger stuff in my life!! Where do I go from here?

Coming home this evening--back from the chiropractor--who is my guru and the only person trying to help my rib cage through ultrasound, soft tissue manipulation, etc., was when I saw two police cars with their lights on outside my apartment building, across the street. The sun shone on the red and blue flashing lights, illuminating them clear down the street. As I walked by, quietly saying a quick prayer for whoever was in "need" -- I saw a white van, sitting almost invisible and quiet. Having been in and worked in many hospitals, I just knew... I walked by and saw a make-shift sign on the van--"Coroner's Office"... as I looked at that van, realizing there was a lifeless body now in the back--that person wasn't going to get a chance to complain about anything on this beautiful, sunny, bright afternoon. That lifeless body isn't going to have the opportunity to walk to the ocean, watch the sunset, and contemplate on how many hours have been spent angry or feeling sorry or .....

May their Spirit soar past our sunset, into the heavens, and may they know the peace that each of us is able to get to--if only we just stop and say "thank you for this moment"....

Namaste

: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith Part Two

just keep thinking of you laying there, all alone, with no-one caring about YOU but all the attention going to owning your money...
I feel your aloneness in this life and for this moment in "time and space" as you lay in silence before your journey away from this lifetime...

All that was missing in the news reports was:
"She was found dead in the NUDE"

SADLY LIKE:
"Marilyn Munroe was found dead in the NUDE"
OR
"Supermodel Petra found hanging NUDE in a tree after tsunami"

Anna Nicole--have a beautiful flight... I'm reminded of that song that talks about sliding down the Milky Way, jumping from Jupiter to Venus to Mars... trying to find yourself out there. I hope she will and I send her my love and compassion.May your next life help you find love within yourself first and foremost... Sadly, I and many other women, understand your journey of using sexuality to be loved. You are truly "resting in peace" now as angels hold you within their wings and give you solace before you choose to come back into another incarnation... or another.
See you in the cosmos!!

: The Life And Death Of Anna Nicole Smith

Maybe now, in hindsight, it wasn't rocket science, but a year ago, I said to my partner Lorraine, "She's going to die soon." and then six months ago, when I saw her forgetting thoughts, saying she was unable to eat, clearly [to me] the diet pills were not only killing fat cells but brain cells as well, and I sadly felt and said, "She will be dead within six months."... Five months later and she died.
SHE is now known as "The Story", "The Starlet", "The ex-Playboy Bunny"... in ALL of the news reports and shows, there is ZERO talking about her--Anna Nicole. It's just about her money, who's the daddy now, and I'll take the baby if there's a cheque that comes with her.
I sadly "feel" her laying in the morgue so quietly still and alone; all her life, she simply wanted what we all want, regardless of admitting it or not--LOVE. And sadly, all she could give to "get love" was her sexuality. Why does this hit home to my heart and soul? No, I'm not a starlet or nor have I ever had the looks/body to be a bunny...but I am a woman who knows what it feels like and knows how raped you feel everytime you give yourself to someone while you pretend you're being loved.
Isn't anyone out there going to talk about Anna Nicole in a respectful way? With compassion?
I believe the soul checks out when it is ready, and for Anna Nicole, I can see why she flew away. I'm hoping the next life will bring her closer to finding love within. When we look back at her first interviews in '93, she was so pretty and innocent... where do you think that all went?
Anna Nicole--have a beautiful flight... I'm reminded of that song that talks about sliding down the Milky Way, jumping from Jupiter to Venus to Mars... trying to find yourself out there. I hope she will and I send her my love and compassion.

: My eyes, heart, and soul have seen that not only women get abused..

Only this morning, as I jumped out of bed and turned on CNN did I have a bit of an awakening of a different kind. They were showing young men-soldiers-in Russia.. being beaten vorociously; kicked, punched, made to stand in impossible positions. As the newscaster announced that the young boy who was severely beaten and given no hospital care now had to have his legs and testicles removed and was in better health! Oh lord... and yesterday, watching the young boys being soldiers in Africa, in Palestine, in Lebanon--it's all they know.
When I was in Lebanon during the Israeli invasion, I heard a story from a man soldier who said he had his machine gun aimed at a tank, now stuck in the sand, seemingly alone with no survivors. As the wind blowing was the only sound heard, he felt a presence. Soon, as sweat beat down his face, he noticed a small shadow... it was a young boy with a machine gun now aiming right back to the man soldier. What were his choices? To kill this boy or to be killed? What do you think you would do in a war situation? Remember, or try to imagine scenes where is destruction and threatening life experiences occurring--we often see everyone running--each man for himself... what was he going to do?

: How the GRAMMYS and the Middle East come together

I taped the Grammys and just finished going through it... I cried several times. The Dixie Chicks being --sadly, we have to even have this crazy thought--but their being BRAVE to sing their truth, sing their voice, and their heart and soul in front of a world that tore at them only for speaking a truth... and now, that same world is saying, WE LOVE YOU; THANK YOU FOR BEING OUR VOICE... feels familiar!

Let's all be brave with a caveat that we must always come from our highest place of being...not to offend or hurt anyone, but to simply speak from a loving place.

LOVE will conquer all because love is within each of us, just waiting to come out and play...

When Mary J. Blige and Ludacris sang, my tears flowed more. I think I’m gonna chance it and send my book, Circles in the Sand, to Ms. Blige -- she’ll get it and who knows, maybe others will be able to get it and find a way to make this world not so cold… to make it a place like heaven rather than feeling you’re in hell.

As Ludacris and Mary J. Blige sang "Runaway Love," complete with images of young girls in peril, all I could do was remember… and oh, how I want to reach all of the young girls on our planet so that they may be rescued and released from hell… the girls in North America, Africa, India, Asia, and the Middle East… just think of all of the abuses occurring within our little sphere--the world is a small place and Spirit can reach all of them--us. Let’s send some lovin’ and healing thoughts to our future Goddesses.

Some of the lyrics:

Tries to tell her mom but her mama don't believe herLisa is stuck up in the world on her ownForced to think that hell is a place called homeNothin else to do but some get some clothes and packShe says shes bout to run away and never come back.

[Hook]Runaway love

Thank you Dixie Chicks. Thank you Mary J. Blige. And thank you Ludacris for “getting it” on behalf of the little girls of the world. Thank you!

I will gladly send my book, Circles in the Sand, to any girl who contacts me and is in need of some hope in life. I made it and now it’s time to pay it forward…

http://www.samadhiwhitehouse.writerswebpages.com/

: Middle East - personal experience and discussion on tonight and GWBush

I just remembered that it's tonight when the U.S. president announces his--what is expected to be--stand alone decisions on Iraq.

Having lived, travelled, nearly married, and worked in much of the Middle East, I wanted to give my thoughts with the hope of having dialogue with other bloggers on what seems to be that PINK ELEPHANT IN THE OVAL OFFICE that everyone is pretending not to see...



I just think of the journey to this point:

• 9:11

• Saudis, including bin Laden's family members, are hushed away on a private jet out of the U.S.

• Almost ALL of the hychakers were Saudi BUT gwb is not planning war on Saudi.

• Having lived in Saudi, it is blatantly clear of the ties between the U.S. and Saudi so as far as the comments, "If you harbour terrorists, we're coming after you"--except for those Arab countries we need to do business with.

• From the moment gwb sat in the Oval Office, he pondered how to "get Hussein" because of the attempted murder of "my dad" as gwb said.

• gwb's aides have all told us that it was his thought from pre 9:11
  
• Isn't there a saying about "pride goith before the fall"? GWB has got to drop his pride so lives can be saved--it's gone too far and he's just not willing to listen. That was his reputation when he started in office.

• Al Queda and Iraq hated each other

• There are hundreds of countries that not only harbour terrorists but rule with a regime that engages in ethnic cleansing, murder, rape, executions.... there are so many countries and yet gwb picked Iraq and somehow convinced you that Al Queda was THERE as well as wmd.

• GWB takes away the freedom to show the U.S. coffins arriving home--why does he have the right to say what you can see or not see. It makes the war seem more distant and not quite so real until you begin the coffin count.

Soldiers fighting to protect the U.S. -- they have too now because gwb has opened the doors of Iraq and only NOW have terrorists gathered there. Al Queda supporters had nothing to do with Iraq; Saddam's death was purely a revenge-plot.



If you've read this far, please hear one more thing.... although this all may sound attacking and angry--it's not. I truly am hoping the world will just step outside of themselves and tomorrow, 01/11 at 11:11 am ["they" say 11:11 is a very spiritual number} to take a moment of meditation, thanking the Universe for helping us to see a way to peace without such chaos. If we believe and choose, we can decide now to love, to forgive, and to make our own journeys and roadmaps to our own peaceful land... one by one {1:1}... we'll change the planet!!

Thanks for sharing with me.

Would love to do interviews on various themes in Circles in the Sand

Just in case an editor or radio DJ or even television are reading my blogs, I would be honoured to be part of your program. There are so many themes to share personal experiences with viewers: Middle East, Israeli/Lebanese war, Saudi, Palestinians, Extreme family dysfunction--with father and trickling down through the family as is "textbook"... so much to share.


REQUEST A RADIO, TELEVISION OR PRINT INTERVIEW WITH SAMADHI

As Samadhi has been getting noticed through book readings and 1:1 intimate conversations, she has noticed the common thread… we all want to live in peace, with forgiveness, and to be able to find our own truth. Gay women, straight women, men, fathers have reviewed Circles in the Sand--and each of them has taken something inspirational from Samadhi’s journey.

Not only has she shared intimate and what were “dark secrets,” she also has been able to incorporate more than a handful of personal information on the Middle East and its various people and beliefs. Samadhi has written on her many experiences, including war, religion, judgement, and her thoughts on how both Eastern and Western religious dogmas are incongruent with PEACE.

If you want to share soul-level conversation, Samadhi is prepared to be open on every theme within the pages of Circles in the Sand [please see Theme Chart within her web pages].

SAMADHI1955@YAHOO.CA
WWW.SAMADHIWHITEHOUSE.WRITERSWEBPAGES.COM

Gratitude from author of Circles in the Sand

I just saw my name in the middle of such spiritual and inspirational writers and speakers {noted below}, that I had to post it for several reasons: Gratitude. To get rid of the "dis" in believe. To truly use the word Namaste in its highest meaning...

I honour that place in you where the whole Universe resides. And when I am in that place in me and you are in that place in you, there is only one of us.

Thank you to The Divine Mine, a magical store in Calgary--thank you for uplifiting my book--Circles in the Sand!

http://www.divinemine.com/

The Divine Mine

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popular author websites we recommend visiting
· Caroline Myss
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· Samadhi Whitehouse
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· Stuart Wilde
· Sylvia Browne
· Wayne Dyer

Having written my narrative non-fiction, Circles in the Sand, and having such an amazing response--all from Spirit--leaves me in a place of gratified humbleness. I choose to believe that Circles in the Sand will give inspiration to all who read and travel through the journey. Thank YOU!

www.samadhiwhitehouse.writerswebpages.com