Forgiveness, Inner Child, Meditation, Thankfulness

Forgiveness to share

As I turned on my PC one morning, and said to myself, “I’ll meditate later..” -- I knew I was lying. Proudly, I stopped and sat in my meditation chair with a nice cup of thankfulness and gratitude. As I dreamed of wanting to be an inspirational teacher, I opened up my bible--Conversations With God. Only this time, it was Book Three, which I have never read. Book One has never failed to speak directly to my issues at hand. I open to a page and there it is, an understanding from the Divine. So, it was a pleasant surprise when Book Three did the same. Having just gotten it on library loan, I hadn’t opened it yet and so, as I’m being thankful for all that I have learned, especially forgiveness, I pondered how speaking and creating a “global” readership of my book, Circles in the Sand, was going to be created… with only a droplet of self-doubt lingering in the background. Opening the book, I read:

God: [after asking the author what his vision of himself was]
A person does not have to be widely known to be a great teacher. You went where all great teachers go. To your own wisdom::: your own truth. That is the place to which you must always go, for it is the place you must turn around and come from as you teach the world::: You know the truth of it in your heart::: You are not boasting::: bragging::: you are opening your heart.

Wow! Again, words spoken directly to my heart. All I have to do is stay true to my highest and grandest thought of who I choose to be.

That led me directly backwards, to take a moment to think about the lives that I have already touched. To think of how people--mostly women--have cried, shared, and been inspired that there is healing, forgiveness--there is light.

If you had told me that I would reach this point in life where I can now say I am a child of God, of the Divine, of love… and that I made it through the darkness of fear and hatred right into the arms of spiritual love, I myself would not have believed it.

And that brought me to thinking of our inner child… and then I remembered a young girl who stood at my booth where I was promoting Circles in the Sand for the first time at the Body, Soul, and Spirit Expo in Calgary. She stood off to the side, listening to me talk to some women, and when they left, we found ourselves alone, looking at each other quietly. As we talked, I shared with her how life can be scary and how it has taken me a lifetime to be able to love myself, although I was the “black sheep” of my family; I was “the girl in high school who got ‘caught’.” She quietly said she had anxiety. I told her what I did when I had anxiety-- that I had to remind myself that each time I felt anxious, I always survived--so if she could just hang on, knowing it will end and believing she has angels with her. I understood her peer pressure and the need to fit in and be “cool.” She nodded her head. I shared how scared I was to be standing at this booth, by myself, having written a book that divulged so many of my darkest secrets and sorrows… until one stranger said to me, “Thank you for being our voice. Thank you for having the courage.”
As I continued sharing with this little girl, I felt I was out-of-body, as if I was standing at my side, listening in on the conversation. I told her how that lady was like an angel and made me feel strong and I said maybe she--the little girl--could also be the one to stand alone and speak on behalf of all her friends who were undoubtedly as afraid as she was in trying so hard to be cool and having to step into a world that would slowly eat at their self-worth… at such a young age. At 51, I remembered and she and I were like one. I saw the sparkle in her eyes as she understood that I was afraid but still chose to stand within my power and that she too, could take a chance and do the same… Who was that little girl? I don’t know but this morning, again we spoke, only it was spirit-2-spirit. I upheld her in God’s love.

There I sat--full circle in my thoughts…

A person does not have to be widely known to be a great teacher. You went where
all great teachers go. To your own wisdom. To your own truth. That is the place
to which you must always go, for it is the place you must turn around and come
from as you teach the world::: You know the truth of it in your heart::: You are
not boasting::: bragging::: you are opening your heart.

Namaste