: I AM

I AM
Have you noticed how often these two words are used?
I AM Canadian [a famous beer commercial]
I AM woman--a freedom song for women’s rights
I AM what I AM -- a declaration from the gay community
and
I AM that I AM -- a statement of God that each of us is part of the I AM

We are told of the laws of the universe--what we dwell upon the most is what we become. I AM beautiful or i am an ugly creature on the inside and out—either thought will create in our life just that thought. You would think that each of us could easily and quickly get to that understanding yet, so many of us spend the greater part of a lifetime trying to find out “Who I am?” when it’s all-ready been told to us. I AM ___ ___ ___.

Have you ever felt life consumingly through the eyes of fear?

• If something good happened, you instantly feared something bad was coming to take it away.
• If you dreamed of winning the lottery, the dream was shattered by a voice reminding you that you wouldn’t live long enough to enjoy it because death was now imminent.
  

To feel so worthless and unsafe—that anything wonderful or happy was automatically entombed in a spell of darkness. Constant thoughts of death and damnation. Survival mode 24/7. Survival from your father’s actions, rippling down through the family, into relationships, on to the streets, coursing through your blood and through to the core of your being… like being swept up by a tidal surge. Survival from a bombardment of voices, all declaring you are an abomination to God. Can you imagine all that being on inside, but on the outside--to the world--you were happy and bubbly… except with your family, men, bosses, and your self.

You {I} gave your {my} power away, allowing them--even your{my}self
to destroy you{me}

Imagine discovering a one-step, two-word program -- not a 12-step lifetime victim process that could take you from darkness into the light--from fear to love--from anger to forgiveness.

Much of this process--for me--took place in the Middle East--the “middle” of chaos, oppression of women, veiled and unseen—as was I. They and the deserts of Arabia would become my life’s metaphor. A stark, empty, desolate desert… until I found the oasis.

Until I found what I thought was lost--my soul.

This is my journey through Circles in the Sand.

It is not only my journey, but a woman’s journey, of finding her truth, her voice, and her empowerment and something we all search for--the right to be loved.
I AM LOVE

{This is my "pitch" that I AM practicing and trying out--I have a teleconference tomorrow so it may be a bit late in asking for an opinion on whether YOU would find this interesting enough to warrant opening the pages of Circles in the Sand??}

: Just wanted to show that I'm an HONOURABLE MENTION, I am!!

Can you tell that I don't know how to link this below post to my own blogspot -- yikes. One day, I shall be the teacher, rather than the student in the back of the class...
Here's the GREAT BLOG -- it says I get bragging rights so...... and oh ya, I would LOVE to get 10,000 hits to my blog. C'mon peoples!!

Aussiejourno's Weekly Blog Awards

Top Ten Blogs For Week Ending 24 February

1. http://aquarius2626.blogspot.com/
2. http://www.ramblingtraveler.com/
3. http://chewy-myblog.blogspot.com/
4. http://dancewithsun.blogspot.com/
5. http://steph-lealman.blogspot.com/
6. http://www.bartraeke.com/
7. http://colorado-bob.blogspot.com/
8. http://web.mac.com/allancook/
9. http://www.dearcinema.com/
10. http://travellinmama.blogspot.com/

And an honourable mention goes to http://circlesinthesandbysamadhiwhitehouse.blogspot.com/

: Surgery -- Anyone relate to the "Why Me?" factor, but with a twist

Yep, it's very easy to be in "my sacred place," or "my higher self" when things are great. BUT, yikes--life has Her way of reminding us to appreciate those moments without having to do much more than sit within gratitude and thankfulness that all is well.

I've had two heart surgeries, thus my next book is called "Three-Heart-Harmony" because it's taken three variations of my heart to get me to this point. You think I would always be in that higher place, wouldn't you? Me too... and then life knocks on the door.

Being a gay woman, I sadly found that both surgeries, performed in two different cities, handled my partner the same way--as if she were not there. Thirteen years ago, they were even colder to her and she suffered more than I did as she watched surgeons coming out to husbands and wives of patients to hear the progress... no-one came to Lorraine. Fast-forward thirteen years and "we" are having surgery on the exact same day—only it's 2004. Coincidence? I don't think so. Only this time, there were complications; lung collapse, fluid on the lung post-surgery, extra day stay in ICU, inflammation of two chestwalls which created a rubbing-together sensation--ouch is right and, let's see now... oh ya, blood loss needing blood transfusions even when transferred to my own room. What did they tell Lorraine? Nothing except when the surgery was over, a cursory, "Everything went fine." Lorraine's fear and innocence felt the stinging slap of not being visible--again.

Fast-forward two years. New development--the ribs aren't put together properly. There's just a "tiny" section in the middle that's open. Is it just me or do others wonder if a "tiny" section of a rib cage that should be closed and secure is open—that that just doesn’t sound right? I guess I now understand why I have this constant, chronic OUCH when I breathe, sneeze, cough, walk, exercise, and well.... live.

Being a person who has written a book on emotional and spiritual healing {Circles in the Sand}, I have learned many of the answers on how to "get to that healing place" and deal with situations, rather than be angry or the "why me" thing. I guess I just needed to vent today. Funny thing is, it was when I was on the cross-trainer, working out and meditating, thanking the Universe for a heart that has finally calmed down and feels peaceful... it was in that moment of gratitude when I felt this surge of, "If I didn't have this bloody rib cage problem, I'ld be well on my way to absolute physical healing, fitness, and blah, blah, blah" -- It's taken the whole day to think about all that I have; to think about those who have surgeries and are told it wasn't successful at all; those who have chronic illness/pain that no surgery will fix.... it took looking out at the gorgeous sun, the mountains, the ocean, listening to healing soft music... and still, what crept next into my thoughts was of the chief resident who performed the surgery {which is always the case, in case you didn't know that]... when I saw her after surgery, she was a B-I-O-T-C-H, zero people skills and yet, I started thinking--just when I was getting calm--that her energy touched my heart. Now, it's been two years so this has clearly been making its way to the surface to deal with. It all just bubbled up--Buddha knows how this anger has coarsed through my veins and arteries like a small injection of poison--I thought I had learned and dealt with all that past anger stuff in my life!! Where do I go from here?

Coming home this evening--back from the chiropractor--who is my guru and the only person trying to help my rib cage through ultrasound, soft tissue manipulation, etc., was when I saw two police cars with their lights on outside my apartment building, across the street. The sun shone on the red and blue flashing lights, illuminating them clear down the street. As I walked by, quietly saying a quick prayer for whoever was in "need" -- I saw a white van, sitting almost invisible and quiet. Having been in and worked in many hospitals, I just knew... I walked by and saw a make-shift sign on the van--"Coroner's Office"... as I looked at that van, realizing there was a lifeless body now in the back--that person wasn't going to get a chance to complain about anything on this beautiful, sunny, bright afternoon. That lifeless body isn't going to have the opportunity to walk to the ocean, watch the sunset, and contemplate on how many hours have been spent angry or feeling sorry or .....

May their Spirit soar past our sunset, into the heavens, and may they know the peace that each of us is able to get to--if only we just stop and say "thank you for this moment"....

Namaste

: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith Part Two

just keep thinking of you laying there, all alone, with no-one caring about YOU but all the attention going to owning your money...
I feel your aloneness in this life and for this moment in "time and space" as you lay in silence before your journey away from this lifetime...

All that was missing in the news reports was:
"She was found dead in the NUDE"

SADLY LIKE:
"Marilyn Munroe was found dead in the NUDE"
OR
"Supermodel Petra found hanging NUDE in a tree after tsunami"

Anna Nicole--have a beautiful flight... I'm reminded of that song that talks about sliding down the Milky Way, jumping from Jupiter to Venus to Mars... trying to find yourself out there. I hope she will and I send her my love and compassion.May your next life help you find love within yourself first and foremost... Sadly, I and many other women, understand your journey of using sexuality to be loved. You are truly "resting in peace" now as angels hold you within their wings and give you solace before you choose to come back into another incarnation... or another.
See you in the cosmos!!

: The Life And Death Of Anna Nicole Smith

Maybe now, in hindsight, it wasn't rocket science, but a year ago, I said to my partner Lorraine, "She's going to die soon." and then six months ago, when I saw her forgetting thoughts, saying she was unable to eat, clearly [to me] the diet pills were not only killing fat cells but brain cells as well, and I sadly felt and said, "She will be dead within six months."... Five months later and she died.
SHE is now known as "The Story", "The Starlet", "The ex-Playboy Bunny"... in ALL of the news reports and shows, there is ZERO talking about her--Anna Nicole. It's just about her money, who's the daddy now, and I'll take the baby if there's a cheque that comes with her.
I sadly "feel" her laying in the morgue so quietly still and alone; all her life, she simply wanted what we all want, regardless of admitting it or not--LOVE. And sadly, all she could give to "get love" was her sexuality. Why does this hit home to my heart and soul? No, I'm not a starlet or nor have I ever had the looks/body to be a bunny...but I am a woman who knows what it feels like and knows how raped you feel everytime you give yourself to someone while you pretend you're being loved.
Isn't anyone out there going to talk about Anna Nicole in a respectful way? With compassion?
I believe the soul checks out when it is ready, and for Anna Nicole, I can see why she flew away. I'm hoping the next life will bring her closer to finding love within. When we look back at her first interviews in '93, she was so pretty and innocent... where do you think that all went?
Anna Nicole--have a beautiful flight... I'm reminded of that song that talks about sliding down the Milky Way, jumping from Jupiter to Venus to Mars... trying to find yourself out there. I hope she will and I send her my love and compassion.

: My eyes, heart, and soul have seen that not only women get abused..

Only this morning, as I jumped out of bed and turned on CNN did I have a bit of an awakening of a different kind. They were showing young men-soldiers-in Russia.. being beaten vorociously; kicked, punched, made to stand in impossible positions. As the newscaster announced that the young boy who was severely beaten and given no hospital care now had to have his legs and testicles removed and was in better health! Oh lord... and yesterday, watching the young boys being soldiers in Africa, in Palestine, in Lebanon--it's all they know.
When I was in Lebanon during the Israeli invasion, I heard a story from a man soldier who said he had his machine gun aimed at a tank, now stuck in the sand, seemingly alone with no survivors. As the wind blowing was the only sound heard, he felt a presence. Soon, as sweat beat down his face, he noticed a small shadow... it was a young boy with a machine gun now aiming right back to the man soldier. What were his choices? To kill this boy or to be killed? What do you think you would do in a war situation? Remember, or try to imagine scenes where is destruction and threatening life experiences occurring--we often see everyone running--each man for himself... what was he going to do?

: How the GRAMMYS and the Middle East come together

I taped the Grammys and just finished going through it... I cried several times. The Dixie Chicks being --sadly, we have to even have this crazy thought--but their being BRAVE to sing their truth, sing their voice, and their heart and soul in front of a world that tore at them only for speaking a truth... and now, that same world is saying, WE LOVE YOU; THANK YOU FOR BEING OUR VOICE... feels familiar!

Let's all be brave with a caveat that we must always come from our highest place of being...not to offend or hurt anyone, but to simply speak from a loving place.

LOVE will conquer all because love is within each of us, just waiting to come out and play...

When Mary J. Blige and Ludacris sang, my tears flowed more. I think I’m gonna chance it and send my book, Circles in the Sand, to Ms. Blige -- she’ll get it and who knows, maybe others will be able to get it and find a way to make this world not so cold… to make it a place like heaven rather than feeling you’re in hell.

As Ludacris and Mary J. Blige sang "Runaway Love," complete with images of young girls in peril, all I could do was remember… and oh, how I want to reach all of the young girls on our planet so that they may be rescued and released from hell… the girls in North America, Africa, India, Asia, and the Middle East… just think of all of the abuses occurring within our little sphere--the world is a small place and Spirit can reach all of them--us. Let’s send some lovin’ and healing thoughts to our future Goddesses.

Some of the lyrics:

Tries to tell her mom but her mama don't believe herLisa is stuck up in the world on her ownForced to think that hell is a place called homeNothin else to do but some get some clothes and packShe says shes bout to run away and never come back.

[Hook]Runaway love

Thank you Dixie Chicks. Thank you Mary J. Blige. And thank you Ludacris for “getting it” on behalf of the little girls of the world. Thank you!

I will gladly send my book, Circles in the Sand, to any girl who contacts me and is in need of some hope in life. I made it and now it’s time to pay it forward…

http://www.samadhiwhitehouse.writerswebpages.com/