Yep, it's very easy to be in "my sacred place," or "my higher self" when things are great. BUT, yikes--life has Her way of reminding us to appreciate those moments without having to do much more than sit within gratitude and thankfulness that all is well.
I've had two heart surgeries, thus my next book is called "Three-Heart-Harmony" because it's taken three variations of my heart to get me to this point. You think I would always be in that higher place, wouldn't you? Me too... and then life knocks on the door.
Being a gay woman, I sadly found that both surgeries, performed in two different cities, handled my partner the same way--as if she were not there. Thirteen years ago, they were even colder to her and she suffered more than I did as she watched surgeons coming out to husbands and wives of patients to hear the progress... no-one came to Lorraine. Fast-forward thirteen years and "we" are having surgery on the exact same day—only it's 2004. Coincidence? I don't think so. Only this time, there were complications; lung collapse, fluid on the lung post-surgery, extra day stay in ICU, inflammation of two chestwalls which created a rubbing-together sensation--ouch is right and, let's see now... oh ya, blood loss needing blood transfusions even when transferred to my own room. What did they tell Lorraine? Nothing except when the surgery was over, a cursory, "Everything went fine." Lorraine's fear and innocence felt the stinging slap of not being visible--again.
Fast-forward two years. New development--the ribs aren't put together properly. There's just a "tiny" section in the middle that's open. Is it just me or do others wonder if a "tiny" section of a rib cage that should be closed and secure is open—that that just doesn’t sound right? I guess I now understand why I have this constant, chronic OUCH when I breathe, sneeze, cough, walk, exercise, and well.... live.
Being a person who has written a book on emotional and spiritual healing {Circles in the Sand}, I have learned many of the answers on how to "get to that healing place" and deal with situations, rather than be angry or the "why me" thing. I guess I just needed to vent today. Funny thing is, it was when I was on the cross-trainer, working out and meditating, thanking the Universe for a heart that has finally calmed down and feels peaceful... it was in that moment of gratitude when I felt this surge of, "If I didn't have this bloody rib cage problem, I'ld be well on my way to absolute physical healing, fitness, and blah, blah, blah" -- It's taken the whole day to think about all that I have; to think about those who have surgeries and are told it wasn't successful at all; those who have chronic illness/pain that no surgery will fix.... it took looking out at the gorgeous sun, the mountains, the ocean, listening to healing soft music... and still, what crept next into my thoughts was of the chief resident who performed the surgery {which is always the case, in case you didn't know that]... when I saw her after surgery, she was a B-I-O-T-C-H, zero people skills and yet, I started thinking--just when I was getting calm--that her energy touched my heart. Now, it's been two years so this has clearly been making its way to the surface to deal with. It all just bubbled up--Buddha knows how this anger has coarsed through my veins and arteries like a small injection of poison--I thought I had learned and dealt with all that past anger stuff in my life!! Where do I go from here?
Coming home this evening--back from the chiropractor--who is my guru and the only person trying to help my rib cage through ultrasound, soft tissue manipulation, etc., was when I saw two police cars with their lights on outside my apartment building, across the street. The sun shone on the red and blue flashing lights, illuminating them clear down the street. As I walked by, quietly saying a quick prayer for whoever was in "need" -- I saw a white van, sitting almost invisible and quiet. Having been in and worked in many hospitals, I just knew... I walked by and saw a make-shift sign on the van--"Coroner's Office"... as I looked at that van, realizing there was a lifeless body now in the back--that person wasn't going to get a chance to complain about anything on this beautiful, sunny, bright afternoon. That lifeless body isn't going to have the opportunity to walk to the ocean, watch the sunset, and contemplate on how many hours have been spent angry or feeling sorry or .....
May their Spirit soar past our sunset, into the heavens, and may they know the peace that each of us is able to get to--if only we just stop and say "thank you for this moment"....
Namaste
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