Wow, have you ever seen a subject line on an email and just know that you don't want to open it? That you hope it's a joke? This is the second one in my life...
My web "master" as he loves to be called -- but I more often call him "my-brotha-from-anotha-motha" because he's wonderful, a mentor, a teacher, a former internationally bestselling author, has movie rights {bidding} to one of his books, loves his partner Diane, has babies with four legs and long tails -- horses.
On Diane's birthday a few months back, he went for "the money shot," jumped over a fence and seriously injured himself. He had to have surgery last Friday and he and I spent the week sharing emails about preparing for surgery, reminding him about enjoying every moment of life... because nowa'days, you do not sleep in hospital the night before surgery--you walk in off the street, put a gown on, and walk to the O.R.
I think I may have been the only outside friend who shared and listened to him share--he said he really appreciated it and felt totally peaceful. He and Diane went out for a delicious dinner the night before, as did Lorraine and I the night before my surgery... I told him I was proud of him because he was able to enjoy that night and the beauty of a moment in time, rather than being in a hospital bed, alone and getting scareder and scareder.
I called him mon'bro and he called me little'sis... I know I was "high maintenance" because I wanted a beautiful web site and was always asking for something.
I emailed him late last night, thinking a week was long enough not to bug them and I asked how he enjoyed the anaesthesia, tripping off in the cosmos, and had he come back into his body yet... his partner Diane told me he passed away. He had surgery and in the evening, had a cardiac arrest; they never got to him quick enough... he was on life supports until Sunday or Monday and then that was it... he tripped right out of the cosmos into the "back of beyond." I feel like I've lost my brother, my friend, my guy who knew the business, my fan, my support.... today has been so sad. Lorraine {my partner} and I went to the ocean and walked around all day, needing to be close to MotherEarth. Lorraine helped me--reminded me--to change "death" to "passage through to the next journey."
Amazing how we are often preparing for something but don't know it's coming. He didn't see this coming and neither did I or Diane... only his spirit knew. I guess this was a fulfillment of Morey's destination for this trip, and he will move onward and upward. Phew again... I am so sad--he was into physics and he would always say, "quantum physics," but I would say, "spiritual energy." Now he knows and I think I heard him and felt his presence today as I stood on a bluff... I think I felt him say "Hey..."
I don't know how to replace my guy and a whole new web site and relationship with someone; everyone knows that site is where to go but Diane can't sustain it. She said she wanted to mail me the money for the year's membership and that Morey would want me to have it but I decided to ask her to give it to a charity he would love... I don't want it. I want my biggest fan--I cannot imagine Diane's grief but all I can do is send her love and spirit wings to hold her and cocoon her while she gets through this.
So.... I guess that is why so much "dying, illness, death" has been in my head and my heart.
Everybody -- take a moment to really feel this moment. Love life. Life strong and with happiness. The oddest thing is that "death" is the most visible commonality between every living thing and person, and yet, we just don't get it that it could happen tomorrow... until it does.
I'm changing with each tick of the second hand and every beat of my heart--I am bringing myself closer and closer into that cocoon where I am safe, even if I don't get the full mysteries of life....
Namaste -- go hug someone today!! Go on now...I'm gonna!!
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