Passion, anyone? Forgiveness, anyone? LOVE?

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I am finally diving in to become a full-time facilitator, using both my own book, Circles in the Sand

as well as being a Certified Facilitator of the New York Times Bestseller -- The Passion Test – The Effortless Path to Discovering Your Destiny

-- written by Chris and Janet Bray Attwood. I decided I have been standing on the edge of the diving board far too long and it is time to dive in and make a colossal

S P L A S H !!

IF you would truly love to discover your passions that may have been buried in your subconscious, with a sense that "those" kind of dreams don't come true….come and give those dreams a second chance! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!!

IF you would truly love to free yourself from anger and IF you know that forgiveness is something that is knocking at your heart…come and give those feelings a second look! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!!

Check out my web site – look at both my book and Janet & Chris's book, take a moment to feel if anything resonates with you or even a group of girls/women needing a new start with a New Year approaching.

Doing something for YOU at the beginning of another year is always such a monumental choice…

only with these two options, your choice will not disappear by February!! Your choice, my soon-to-be-friend, will last a life-time and then some, depending on what your beliefs are!

So, come on, check it out and I trust that if any of this rings true for YOU, we shall have Step One in re-creating YOU!!

http://www.samadhiwhitehouse.com

{will give you links for both!}

Youth With A Mission.... and me--a personal experience

Youth With A Mission - a personal journey

You know, I was in “YWAM” trying desperately to not be me. When I wrote Circles in the Sand, for some reason I chose to leave out the name of my “death camp” -- and I mean that with all due respect and in relativity to my life’s journey. YWAM was death to self and rebirth to Christ--but the judgemental journey destroyed my spirit, leaving me feeling even more abominable to God than I had already been judged by family. I don’t know why I “protected” the name of an abuser? As strong as that sounds, all fundamental/judgemental/dogma and religious fervor that refuses any possibility outside of a book is an abuse of ALL that we have surrounding us--galaxy upon galaxy / ancient civilization / a soul that speaks to each of us.

And now, murder and suicide and questions of YWAM being a cult. I don't think they are a cult because they let their members go. Although they certainly tried to strip me down--even the way I worshipped God disturbed them -- I think "extremist" "fundamentalist" is what Youth With A Mission is. Cult-ish in that they believe nothing outside of the Bible and being saved by Christ.

In my other blogging/journaling I see a common theme of how life "mirrors" back to each of us and I find it fascinating that the Islamic faith is greatly feared and "cult-ish" on our side of the planet BUT on the other side, you can look through the mirror and see a reflection of the exact same fundamentalist-extreme surge of belief and doctrine. They stand soul-2-soul outside of one chooses physical murdering of "infidels" while the other chooses "judgement and death of Spirit" to the "infidels" who do not receive Christ as the ONLY way to salvation and heaven. This is MY take; my experience; my journey... I hope if anyone is struggling with a forced need to change {ie: being gay is of the devil} -- please give a New Spirituality some thought. Perhaps "God" as he has been defined is much, much, much more than fear....perhaps she is LOVE!

As I struggled to survive a year with Youth With A Mission {plus another 3-month stint}, I was greeted by my family with another surprise…I was kidnapped by an ex-Moonie who attempted to deprogram me for 13-hours, all-inclusive with windows being boarded up, not being allowed to go to the bathroom, being manhandled, desperately trying to escape…. until finally the jerk with a major chip on his shoulder declared me sane! Come to think of it, that’s more than YWAM did--they thought I was possessed by demons, just as they believe this murder/suicide is of the devil…as is everything and everyone who does not declare Jesus as their saviour.

I think I have to go “The Work” by Byron Katie -- www.thework.com because I obviously have some more forgiving to do…. Such feelings of anger are reappearing for a worldwide organization that tried to change every thing about me in an attempt to make me acceptable in the eyes of God. It’s so mindblowing and I am so deeply thankful that I had an outlet to write about my journey through religion… my heart feels such sorrow for these deaths.

I want to say to any one who is struggling because they are trying to be in a religious-anything…YOU are beautiful -- that’s BE-YOU-ti-FULL exactly as you are as long as you come from a place of love--we need accountability and boundaries because we are not quite evolved to think BIG. Go within and ask the universe/Spirit/the Divine {we’ve become afraid to use “God” because of the misuse of his name}--ask quietly to be shown your soul, your heart, your love and know that you are safe being who you are.

Yes, YWAM gave me an opportunity to see much of the world; to allow me to help Lebanon as Israel invaded and interestingly, the Middle East became a metaphor of my life--but the one thing YWAM didn’t give was LOVE. They went as far as to bring me to the “casting away of demons” room because they felt Satan dwelled within. And we think Islam is wild!

I just sit by the ocean and feel myself drifting out of this galaxy and into the universe and looking back from God’s view…how un-evolved we are. It just feels so easy to LOVE but we have been innately taught that we are born into sin and with that being our starting gate, how do we crawl into self-love and then pay it forward?

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ….all we need is LOVE! I once asked my “twin-angel,” precious niece Tempest what she thought “God” meant and she looked at me as if I was crazy to ask because it was so simple an answer. Her wise old soul spoke through her 6-year-old body as she shrugged her shoulder in pity that I even needed to ask and said, “LOVE!” as if there was no other thought or word or dogma or religion or book that had to tell her what her soul already knew…. L O V E!

GRIEF / MIRRORS - Stage Two & On & On we go....

I have previously written about Grief/Mirrors and how we truly see each other within the mirror's reflection...through the eyes of another do we see ourselves.

In reflecting, after a heavy disagreement and misunderstanding and not being heard...I wrote a poem that I thought I would share. I hope it makes sense to someone out there who is angry with another...

OUTSIDE OF WITHIN


What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

What part of me left the cocoon of ALL
To allow arrows to pierce the heart…
Words to disintegrate like acid rain over my being

I see me…
What should be ALL of me has become fragmented now that I have wandered outside

Awe - to witness that which I had chosen not to be
I have forgotten for but a moment that has turned into a lifetime

I see me…

Little one?
Innocent babe already lying away from the womb
So soon feeling alone in that room

I see me…

I see me through you -- and your world
The world around me is within me…my mirror

You -- you who cause me hurt!
What power you have to stir such sorrow within my core

You -- who has rejected me!
What emptiness I feel with barely a word

You -- who spews insults at me!
What part of me allows myself to feel them as if I have spoken them and made them my truth?

I see ALL of me outside of the ALL

Oooh, the hurt, the anger, the sorrow, the abandon
Are you ALL of what is not?
Are you ALL that I must be before I re-member

I must go inside now
Within
I must stake claim to what I perceive as the world without causing hurt
It is I -- I echo a voice through my puppet
My puppet speaks insult but in truth, it is I

I have wandered away…

How do I return?

I see. I see. To re-turn is to make a YOU-turn back within
But first, I know
Still -- I know somewhere within -- that I cannot take with me what I have allowed to cause pain
For pain does not exist within

Aaaahh, I see
I see ALL of me as each wound stares into my soul

Come here my wounds -- come and I will heal you
For I have found a new me
The opposite of what you have caused me to feel

If not for you, I would never have found higher ground
For I would not have climbed such a steep hill

If not for you, I could not forgive
Forgive -- to free me
So that I could truly live

I forgive you with thankfulness
Thank you hurt, sorrow, anger
Thank you for showing me ALL that I am not

What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

Blessed ALL, for you have become I AM
I AM cleansed through the sweat of my sorrow -- through the sweat of climbing that hill

And now I see
I see with amazing clarity

I AM no longer those parts of me that are wounded
For they are disintegrated within the light

What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

With thankfulness, I leave the world’s reflections of my old self behind
I have climbed the steep hill because I have re-membered
I AM part of ALL THAT IS LOVE
I AM…

L O V E

Grief / Mirrors -- Stage Two {you gotta read first blog with this title

As I have settled into the next stage of “grief/mirroring” in a relationship-sense, I’m slightly numbed by the array of energy that came from me--when I look back at an internal or external anger/extreme sorrow/hurt, you--I--see just what the toll is on my body, mind, and spirit and it ain’t pretty. In fact, my body is continually reminding me that I can no longer “contain” these emotions. You would think after two heart surgeries {physical/metaphysical again}, that I would understand in the exact moment that I move into an unhealthy feeling to get out. The good news is that I understand much faster than ever before and call my spirit back so-to-say. I guess we have to feel sorrow to know joy and there isn’t any going around the emotional-journey but rather, going via the drive-through so it’s fasttracked!!

I forgot a major KEY component on learning in relationship to another. It was only yesterday that I was telling people about this amazing wealth of knowledge I was learning and comprehending. When someone pushes your buttons-it’s because it is-my lesson, or, moment of opportunity--I get pissed or not impressed or annoyed or whatever UNTIL I realize that I can make another choice

BUT first I need to understand the whole concept:

They are pushing my buttons to.... Well, let's let Neale Donal Walsch from Conversations with God explain it from one of his awesome book:

You see, what we do as human beings is, we set the pins up, then we knock them down. What we do as human beings is, we create the exact, right, and perfect set of circumstances {speaking metaphysically now} to allow us to express a part of ourselves that announces and declares who we really are. If who I really am, for instance, is a healer, I will create, metaphysicically, the perfect set of circumstances to allow myself to express "she who heals." I will, therefore, bring into my experience, and even, at some level, create in my outer reality, illness.
The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am.

So, my error was to bring “those who hurt me or pissed me off; ie: my sister” into my experience. If I feel we are pushing each other’s buttons, then it seemed a great opportunity to express it and see it and grow--together BUT I took “me” and made it “you and me.”

What a Master -- no, let’s say GODDESS -- could choose instead--and this is where I now choose--is to see this as my own experience and to change who I am within this experience without another ever knowing, hearing, or being drawn in. People will then know me by my LOVE, not by my, “Hey YOU, I feel you and I push each other’s buttons….”.

I even said there was a sure-fire caveat to this journey through becoming a grander version of my greatest self and that is -- when I am wanting to let’s say “meditate in Manhatten” -- then all of Manhatten will come right at me---bam, bam, bam -- to give me that exact opportunity to choose change:

The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am

How crazy hilarious in a sad sort of way that I’m preaching away and seeing already things coming at me, attacking me {my old self} asking me, “Well, do you wish to continue being your old self or experience a new and grander version of YOU?”

See, “ugly” isn’t a coincidence. It’s an opportunity to look at “ugly” and declare it to be “BE-YOU-ti-FULL” !!

I don’t know what else will be coming down the pike, but I’m getting grounded and stabilized to keep on keeping on and reCREATE a brand new me--love, compassionate, and forgiving of myself and others… that’s my dream. With slight trepidation, I say, “Bring it on universe… bring it on {just a little bit gentle though- pleeeeaaassse”

Peeps of the World--Come join in an incredible journey with bestselling author who had a movie made about him {don't WE wish} &is part of The Secret

: Now I know why surgery has been on my mind

Wow, have you ever seen a subject line on an email and just know that you don't want to open it? That you hope it's a joke? This is the second one in my life...

My web "master" as he loves to be called -- but I more often call him "my-brotha-from-anotha-motha" because he's wonderful, a mentor, a teacher, a former internationally bestselling author, has movie rights {bidding} to one of his books, loves his partner Diane, has babies with four legs and long tails -- horses.

On Diane's birthday a few months back, he went for "the money shot," jumped over a fence and seriously injured himself. He had to have surgery last Friday and he and I spent the week sharing emails about preparing for surgery, reminding him about enjoying every moment of life... because nowa'days, you do not sleep in hospital the night before surgery--you walk in off the street, put a gown on, and walk to the O.R.

I think I may have been the only outside friend who shared and listened to him share--he said he really appreciated it and felt totally peaceful. He and Diane went out for a delicious dinner the night before, as did Lorraine and I the night before my surgery... I told him I was proud of him because he was able to enjoy that night and the beauty of a moment in time, rather than being in a hospital bed, alone and getting scareder and scareder.

I called him mon'bro and he called me little'sis... I know I was "high maintenance" because I wanted a beautiful web site and was always asking for something.

I emailed him late last night, thinking a week was long enough not to bug them and I asked how he enjoyed the anaesthesia, tripping off in the cosmos, and had he come back into his body yet... his partner Diane told me he passed away. He had surgery and in the evening, had a cardiac arrest; they never got to him quick enough... he was on life supports until Sunday or Monday and then that was it... he tripped right out of the cosmos into the "back of beyond." I feel like I've lost my brother, my friend, my guy who knew the business, my fan, my support.... today has been so sad. Lorraine {my partner} and I went to the ocean and walked around all day, needing to be close to MotherEarth. Lorraine helped me--reminded me--to change "death" to "passage through to the next journey."

Amazing how we are often preparing for something but don't know it's coming. He didn't see this coming and neither did I or Diane... only his spirit knew. I guess this was a fulfillment of Morey's destination for this trip, and he will move onward and upward. Phew again... I am so sad--he was into physics and he would always say, "quantum physics," but I would say, "spiritual energy." Now he knows and I think I heard him and felt his presence today as I stood on a bluff... I think I felt him say "Hey..."

I don't know how to replace my guy and a whole new web site and relationship with someone; everyone knows that site is where to go but Diane can't sustain it. She said she wanted to mail me the money for the year's membership and that Morey would want me to have it but I decided to ask her to give it to a charity he would love... I don't want it. I want my biggest fan--I cannot imagine Diane's grief but all I can do is send her love and spirit wings to hold her and cocoon her while she gets through this.

So.... I guess that is why so much "dying, illness, death" has been in my head and my heart.

Everybody -- take a moment to really feel this moment. Love life. Life strong and with happiness. The oddest thing is that "death" is the most visible commonality between every living thing and person, and yet, we just don't get it that it could happen tomorrow... until it does.

I'm changing with each tick of the second hand and every beat of my heart--I am bringing myself closer and closer into that cocoon where I am safe, even if I don't get the full mysteries of life....

Namaste -- go hug someone today!! Go on now...I'm gonna!!

Gratitude from author of Circles in the Sand

I just saw my name in the middle of such spiritual and inspirational writers and speakers {noted below}, that I had to post it for several reasons: Gratitude. To get rid of the "dis" in believe. To truly use the word Namaste in its highest meaning...

I honour that place in you where the whole Universe resides. And when I am in that place in me and you are in that place in you, there is only one of us.

Thank you to The Divine Mine, a magical store in Calgary--thank you for uplifiting my book--Circles in the Sand!

http://www.divinemine.com/

The Divine Mine

for the body, mind, and spirit
popular author websites we recommend visiting
· Caroline Myss
· Deepak Chopra
· Doreen Virtue
· Drunvalo Melchizedek
· Eckhart Tolle
· Louise Hay
· Rosemary Altea
· Samadhi Whitehouse
· Shakti Gawain
· Stuart Wilde
· Sylvia Browne
· Wayne Dyer

Having written my narrative non-fiction, Circles in the Sand, and having such an amazing response--all from Spirit--leaves me in a place of gratified humbleness. I choose to believe that Circles in the Sand will give inspiration to all who read and travel through the journey. Thank YOU!

www.samadhiwhitehouse.writerswebpages.com