A MOMent

A Moment

Who could believe how you and I retrieved

Both having the deepest of need

Our words washed over us; our souls they would feed

The shortest of moments

Haste, haste rang the bell

You waited – I waited – We joined together

A journey…a walk…half in body; half in Spirit

Wiped away was all fear

As we gently grew near

The shortest of moments

More powerful than the years apart

Survival was not alone, as we spoke of our souls being joined together

And not to forget our heart

Forever it took – to nearly your last breath

Our angel appeared to me at my birth and as my heart was opened

Reminding you and I

We only needed to reach out and take hold of His hand

Solid ground we would land, as we played in the sand

Beautiful, you said

As if you had already met

Our birth…our heart…and now in death

We are now free -- for it was all meant to be

You let me know that you also could see

Our beautiful angel – for you and for me

Thank you for waiting – thank you for hearing – thank you for knowing

For all those years, both feeling so alone

The shortest of moments

Made us feel we were home

Thank you my teacher, my mother, my truth

Let’s run and play as if in our youth

Tears of sorrow have fallen

Tears of joy will soon rise….beyond….beyond…where only love is

It is there that I look to my stars…and blow my last kiss

Samadhi {formerly “Little Edna”}

Passion, anyone? Forgiveness, anyone? LOVE?

\
I am finally diving in to become a full-time facilitator, using both my own book, Circles in the Sand

as well as being a Certified Facilitator of the New York Times Bestseller -- The Passion Test – The Effortless Path to Discovering Your Destiny

-- written by Chris and Janet Bray Attwood. I decided I have been standing on the edge of the diving board far too long and it is time to dive in and make a colossal

S P L A S H !!

IF you would truly love to discover your passions that may have been buried in your subconscious, with a sense that "those" kind of dreams don't come true….come and give those dreams a second chance! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!!

IF you would truly love to free yourself from anger and IF you know that forgiveness is something that is knocking at your heart…come and give those feelings a second look! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!!

Check out my web site – look at both my book and Janet & Chris's book, take a moment to feel if anything resonates with you or even a group of girls/women needing a new start with a New Year approaching.

Doing something for YOU at the beginning of another year is always such a monumental choice…

only with these two options, your choice will not disappear by February!! Your choice, my soon-to-be-friend, will last a life-time and then some, depending on what your beliefs are!

So, come on, check it out and I trust that if any of this rings true for YOU, we shall have Step One in re-creating YOU!!

http://www.samadhiwhitehouse.com

{will give you links for both!}

Death, Forgiveness, Mother, Neale Donald Walsch, Heart, Love

After reading Neale's message from his site, I had to write to him and anyone who was drawn to read my blog -- it feels very cathartic.

To my precious Neale et al everyONE. This is the first message I've read this new morning after going to bed hearing that my mother is dying, probably quite soon. I had initally heard two weeks ago and have been thinking, "How can I get ahold of Neale...how can I ask him for ten-minutes of his time?"
And, as I needed his love and ONEness when he came to Victoria, BC for 5-days, so he came again this morning.
You see "et al," I have been "out" of my family for years. In fact, it is Neale's being a vessel of God's love that was the first time ever I came out of fear of life, of death, of being an abomination to God, of hell, of disownment, and on and on.

I'm not promoting but "my story" that I need to lay down is written in my book, Circles in the Sand. Please see www.samadhiwhitehouse.writerswebpages.com if you feel I could help or connect with you or vise-a-versa.

I've realized that I have seen my parents literally a handfull of times in 20-years. I was told by my inner voice to go to their apartment to forgive them and I did--meaning I had no script, no preparation, so no-ONE was ONE-up on the other. That was ten-years ago. My father died two-months later. My mother blamed me for his "love," and here we are... I have to forgive my mother.

The last contact with my mother was when she sent a letter with pictures of two young women; one a bride and the other a bridesmaid... as I read the letter, life went into slow motion. One of those girls was my birthdaughter whom I was forced to surrender. My mother found her without my permission or knowing; in fact, some of my siblings helped her. My mother did not tell me which one was she; and actually met her. Upon meeting her, my birthdaughter asked about me; asked why there were no pictures; and my mother simply replied before moving on, "We don't approve of her lifestyle." And hence, I have turned and left my family, after a lifetime of sorrow--that was too much. In fact, I had already had one heart surgery and here I was after a few years of this news, needing to have a second heart surgery... all before the age of 50!
So, you can see why I have been consuming books like Happier Than God and others...desperately trying to understand how to forgive; how to write, knowing that I cannot talk to my mother.
I too, even though I'm Canadian, felt Tim's family's loss but my sadness came from a father who beamed and radiated love and when I saw him on Larry King, he beamed and radiated love towards his father, his son, and his life. His essence was love.
So, to my friend "in the space of the room in Victoria" and forever, I thank you Neale for reminding me and giving me a little push towards writing that letter that I must also live my day in the NOW and get past the hurts of the human experience and step into the love of the spiritual experience. I am a co-creator of life and so, I believe somehow that your words will further penetrate my heart and soul and give me a free-falling of love as I just begin..just stop thinking and create movement with pen and paper and FOR-god's sake-GIVE my mother, my family, and my own journey.
I know what it feels like to be aware of the ticking of ONE's heartbeat but together, we can calm our hearts, be still, and love NOW in the safety of love. YOU have taught me that when my heart gets the better of me {palpitations, fear...} -- it is through you that I have learned to speak quietly to my own self and say, "I AM safe no matter what happens in this moment...I AM safe and not alone." Thank you Neale. Thank you and may your heart beat to the rhythym of love and life for as long as your journey has chosen to be here, teaching, training, guiding US. I love you Mr. Walsch!

May you be WELL/ FREE from suffering / HAPPY {Buddha}
YOU must be the change you wish to see in the world {Ghandi}
Samadhi, author/workshops & Facilitator, The Passion Test
www.samadhiwhitehouse.writerswebpages.com / http://circlesinthesandbysamadhiwhitehouse.blogspot.com/

Forgiveness, Inner Child, Meditation, Thankfulness

Forgiveness to share

As I turned on my PC one morning, and said to myself, “I’ll meditate later..” -- I knew I was lying. Proudly, I stopped and sat in my meditation chair with a nice cup of thankfulness and gratitude. As I dreamed of wanting to be an inspirational teacher, I opened up my bible--Conversations With God. Only this time, it was Book Three, which I have never read. Book One has never failed to speak directly to my issues at hand. I open to a page and there it is, an understanding from the Divine. So, it was a pleasant surprise when Book Three did the same. Having just gotten it on library loan, I hadn’t opened it yet and so, as I’m being thankful for all that I have learned, especially forgiveness, I pondered how speaking and creating a “global” readership of my book, Circles in the Sand, was going to be created… with only a droplet of self-doubt lingering in the background. Opening the book, I read:

God: [after asking the author what his vision of himself was]
A person does not have to be widely known to be a great teacher. You went where all great teachers go. To your own wisdom::: your own truth. That is the place to which you must always go, for it is the place you must turn around and come from as you teach the world::: You know the truth of it in your heart::: You are not boasting::: bragging::: you are opening your heart.

Wow! Again, words spoken directly to my heart. All I have to do is stay true to my highest and grandest thought of who I choose to be.

That led me directly backwards, to take a moment to think about the lives that I have already touched. To think of how people--mostly women--have cried, shared, and been inspired that there is healing, forgiveness--there is light.

If you had told me that I would reach this point in life where I can now say I am a child of God, of the Divine, of love… and that I made it through the darkness of fear and hatred right into the arms of spiritual love, I myself would not have believed it.

And that brought me to thinking of our inner child… and then I remembered a young girl who stood at my booth where I was promoting Circles in the Sand for the first time at the Body, Soul, and Spirit Expo in Calgary. She stood off to the side, listening to me talk to some women, and when they left, we found ourselves alone, looking at each other quietly. As we talked, I shared with her how life can be scary and how it has taken me a lifetime to be able to love myself, although I was the “black sheep” of my family; I was “the girl in high school who got ‘caught’.” She quietly said she had anxiety. I told her what I did when I had anxiety-- that I had to remind myself that each time I felt anxious, I always survived--so if she could just hang on, knowing it will end and believing she has angels with her. I understood her peer pressure and the need to fit in and be “cool.” She nodded her head. I shared how scared I was to be standing at this booth, by myself, having written a book that divulged so many of my darkest secrets and sorrows… until one stranger said to me, “Thank you for being our voice. Thank you for having the courage.”
As I continued sharing with this little girl, I felt I was out-of-body, as if I was standing at my side, listening in on the conversation. I told her how that lady was like an angel and made me feel strong and I said maybe she--the little girl--could also be the one to stand alone and speak on behalf of all her friends who were undoubtedly as afraid as she was in trying so hard to be cool and having to step into a world that would slowly eat at their self-worth… at such a young age. At 51, I remembered and she and I were like one. I saw the sparkle in her eyes as she understood that I was afraid but still chose to stand within my power and that she too, could take a chance and do the same… Who was that little girl? I don’t know but this morning, again we spoke, only it was spirit-2-spirit. I upheld her in God’s love.

There I sat--full circle in my thoughts…

A person does not have to be widely known to be a great teacher. You went where
all great teachers go. To your own wisdom. To your own truth. That is the place
to which you must always go, for it is the place you must turn around and come
from as you teach the world::: You know the truth of it in your heart::: You are
not boasting::: bragging::: you are opening your heart.

Namaste

GRIEF / MIRRORS - Stage Two & On & On we go....

I have previously written about Grief/Mirrors and how we truly see each other within the mirror's reflection...through the eyes of another do we see ourselves.

In reflecting, after a heavy disagreement and misunderstanding and not being heard...I wrote a poem that I thought I would share. I hope it makes sense to someone out there who is angry with another...

OUTSIDE OF WITHIN


What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

What part of me left the cocoon of ALL
To allow arrows to pierce the heart…
Words to disintegrate like acid rain over my being

I see me…
What should be ALL of me has become fragmented now that I have wandered outside

Awe - to witness that which I had chosen not to be
I have forgotten for but a moment that has turned into a lifetime

I see me…

Little one?
Innocent babe already lying away from the womb
So soon feeling alone in that room

I see me…

I see me through you -- and your world
The world around me is within me…my mirror

You -- you who cause me hurt!
What power you have to stir such sorrow within my core

You -- who has rejected me!
What emptiness I feel with barely a word

You -- who spews insults at me!
What part of me allows myself to feel them as if I have spoken them and made them my truth?

I see ALL of me outside of the ALL

Oooh, the hurt, the anger, the sorrow, the abandon
Are you ALL of what is not?
Are you ALL that I must be before I re-member

I must go inside now
Within
I must stake claim to what I perceive as the world without causing hurt
It is I -- I echo a voice through my puppet
My puppet speaks insult but in truth, it is I

I have wandered away…

How do I return?

I see. I see. To re-turn is to make a YOU-turn back within
But first, I know
Still -- I know somewhere within -- that I cannot take with me what I have allowed to cause pain
For pain does not exist within

Aaaahh, I see
I see ALL of me as each wound stares into my soul

Come here my wounds -- come and I will heal you
For I have found a new me
The opposite of what you have caused me to feel

If not for you, I would never have found higher ground
For I would not have climbed such a steep hill

If not for you, I could not forgive
Forgive -- to free me
So that I could truly live

I forgive you with thankfulness
Thank you hurt, sorrow, anger
Thank you for showing me ALL that I am not

What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

Blessed ALL, for you have become I AM
I AM cleansed through the sweat of my sorrow -- through the sweat of climbing that hill

And now I see
I see with amazing clarity

I AM no longer those parts of me that are wounded
For they are disintegrated within the light

What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

With thankfulness, I leave the world’s reflections of my old self behind
I have climbed the steep hill because I have re-membered
I AM part of ALL THAT IS LOVE
I AM…

L O V E

Grief / Mirrors -- Stage Two {you gotta read first blog with this title

As I have settled into the next stage of “grief/mirroring” in a relationship-sense, I’m slightly numbed by the array of energy that came from me--when I look back at an internal or external anger/extreme sorrow/hurt, you--I--see just what the toll is on my body, mind, and spirit and it ain’t pretty. In fact, my body is continually reminding me that I can no longer “contain” these emotions. You would think after two heart surgeries {physical/metaphysical again}, that I would understand in the exact moment that I move into an unhealthy feeling to get out. The good news is that I understand much faster than ever before and call my spirit back so-to-say. I guess we have to feel sorrow to know joy and there isn’t any going around the emotional-journey but rather, going via the drive-through so it’s fasttracked!!

I forgot a major KEY component on learning in relationship to another. It was only yesterday that I was telling people about this amazing wealth of knowledge I was learning and comprehending. When someone pushes your buttons-it’s because it is-my lesson, or, moment of opportunity--I get pissed or not impressed or annoyed or whatever UNTIL I realize that I can make another choice

BUT first I need to understand the whole concept:

They are pushing my buttons to.... Well, let's let Neale Donal Walsch from Conversations with God explain it from one of his awesome book:

You see, what we do as human beings is, we set the pins up, then we knock them down. What we do as human beings is, we create the exact, right, and perfect set of circumstances {speaking metaphysically now} to allow us to express a part of ourselves that announces and declares who we really are. If who I really am, for instance, is a healer, I will create, metaphysicically, the perfect set of circumstances to allow myself to express "she who heals." I will, therefore, bring into my experience, and even, at some level, create in my outer reality, illness.
The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am.

So, my error was to bring “those who hurt me or pissed me off; ie: my sister” into my experience. If I feel we are pushing each other’s buttons, then it seemed a great opportunity to express it and see it and grow--together BUT I took “me” and made it “you and me.”

What a Master -- no, let’s say GODDESS -- could choose instead--and this is where I now choose--is to see this as my own experience and to change who I am within this experience without another ever knowing, hearing, or being drawn in. People will then know me by my LOVE, not by my, “Hey YOU, I feel you and I push each other’s buttons….”.

I even said there was a sure-fire caveat to this journey through becoming a grander version of my greatest self and that is -- when I am wanting to let’s say “meditate in Manhatten” -- then all of Manhatten will come right at me---bam, bam, bam -- to give me that exact opportunity to choose change:

The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am

How crazy hilarious in a sad sort of way that I’m preaching away and seeing already things coming at me, attacking me {my old self} asking me, “Well, do you wish to continue being your old self or experience a new and grander version of YOU?”

See, “ugly” isn’t a coincidence. It’s an opportunity to look at “ugly” and declare it to be “BE-YOU-ti-FULL” !!

I don’t know what else will be coming down the pike, but I’m getting grounded and stabilized to keep on keeping on and reCREATE a brand new me--love, compassionate, and forgiving of myself and others… that’s my dream. With slight trepidation, I say, “Bring it on universe… bring it on {just a little bit gentle though- pleeeeaaassse”

Grief / Mirrors

I'm just rethinking about religion this morning and needing to get back into my "peaceful" place. In my book, Circles in the Sand, I talk on how the deserts of Arabia were my own reflection of myself as well as all the religions I have personally tried in order to be seen as okay by God and family--which never has happened btw!

I'm in a funk because my born again sister, who SO totally doesn't get me and continually says exactly the same--that I don't get her... and so, stalemate all because of bloody religious dogmas.

I've tried to pull myself away from the constant bombardment of what a sinner I am and thought I was well on my way into that spiritual zone of nirvana... but after receiving another punch-to-the-gut response by me to her--in what I thought was a love/peace and "please understand me" attempt AGAIN, I have to crawl out of grief and into "that place" where I have found love...because she came back with such a barrage of ANGER.

It's true--I have contempt for religion but let me say, religion brought me to "spirituality" and so I must thank my "enemy" for showing me the way to light. Spirituality, by-the-way, ain't no walk in the park at times. One is even more accountable because the journey is an inside job -- it's all about changing ME versus changing my outer experiences. If I say I choose to be accountable and own "shit," -- well, there's just nowhere to hide anymore.

My book was a purging and cleansing but I mistakenly hoped to be "heard" by my family. I truly thought I had grown away from that "need" and so... I now must choose "who I want to be within this moment" and let me say, it's hard not to want to be enraged, sorrowful, and scared and sad and giving up on the whole gameplan. That's why I'm again purging, possibly to myself, possibly to others should they see this blog, and whichever the case, it's for me to find me and get me back into that peaceful zone of love, understanding, compassion, forgiveness... that's spirituality for me.

Being raised Catholic, having born again sibs, and the constant bonbardment of abuse--I thought was far behind me {I never thought I had to cry a few more tears but clearly, I do}.

Funny, my original title for this BLOG was:
Mirror Images are Identical... {Catholic/Muslim} Hello! Another PINK ELEPHANT in the house!.
I was sharing about the POPE and the audacity to change "God's mind" about little unbaptized babies being saved suddenly. Another mirror image you see -- Religion to me is NUTZ and here we are, mirroring out to Muslims about them, rather than looking at ourselves!!

...which brought me to {because I've been in the Middle East so much and had such an out of body experience--sitting at the Wailing Wall--about Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all merging on this one tiny corner in the city of Jerusalem... enough "merging" to cause war after war. And millions of us believe this is God's will. I know it may be hard to stick with me on this purge BUT, I'm hoping that somewhere inside it will make some sense--to YOU but mostly, to ME.

BUT in truth, it's about grief and mirroring for my own life:
: Mirroring the desert as a metaphor for my past life
: Mirroring me not being heard to my sister feeling the same
: Mirroring anger

Mirror Mirror on the Wall--who's the fairest of us all?
Wouldn't it be so cool to say WE ARE ALL THE FAIREST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL… BE-YOU-ti-FULL!!!

I think I am finally back in "that place" where I can go meditate while sitting "in the middle of Manhatten" {metaphysically-speaking}

: Mirroring LOVE and FORGIVENESS

As John Lennon said... I M A G I N E

Peeps of the World--Come join in an incredible journey with bestselling author who had a movie made about him {don't WE wish} &is part of The Secret