Forgiveness, Inner Child, Meditation, Thankfulness

Forgiveness to share

As I turned on my PC one morning, and said to myself, “I’ll meditate later..” -- I knew I was lying. Proudly, I stopped and sat in my meditation chair with a nice cup of thankfulness and gratitude. As I dreamed of wanting to be an inspirational teacher, I opened up my bible--Conversations With God. Only this time, it was Book Three, which I have never read. Book One has never failed to speak directly to my issues at hand. I open to a page and there it is, an understanding from the Divine. So, it was a pleasant surprise when Book Three did the same. Having just gotten it on library loan, I hadn’t opened it yet and so, as I’m being thankful for all that I have learned, especially forgiveness, I pondered how speaking and creating a “global” readership of my book, Circles in the Sand, was going to be created… with only a droplet of self-doubt lingering in the background. Opening the book, I read:

God: [after asking the author what his vision of himself was]
A person does not have to be widely known to be a great teacher. You went where all great teachers go. To your own wisdom::: your own truth. That is the place to which you must always go, for it is the place you must turn around and come from as you teach the world::: You know the truth of it in your heart::: You are not boasting::: bragging::: you are opening your heart.

Wow! Again, words spoken directly to my heart. All I have to do is stay true to my highest and grandest thought of who I choose to be.

That led me directly backwards, to take a moment to think about the lives that I have already touched. To think of how people--mostly women--have cried, shared, and been inspired that there is healing, forgiveness--there is light.

If you had told me that I would reach this point in life where I can now say I am a child of God, of the Divine, of love… and that I made it through the darkness of fear and hatred right into the arms of spiritual love, I myself would not have believed it.

And that brought me to thinking of our inner child… and then I remembered a young girl who stood at my booth where I was promoting Circles in the Sand for the first time at the Body, Soul, and Spirit Expo in Calgary. She stood off to the side, listening to me talk to some women, and when they left, we found ourselves alone, looking at each other quietly. As we talked, I shared with her how life can be scary and how it has taken me a lifetime to be able to love myself, although I was the “black sheep” of my family; I was “the girl in high school who got ‘caught’.” She quietly said she had anxiety. I told her what I did when I had anxiety-- that I had to remind myself that each time I felt anxious, I always survived--so if she could just hang on, knowing it will end and believing she has angels with her. I understood her peer pressure and the need to fit in and be “cool.” She nodded her head. I shared how scared I was to be standing at this booth, by myself, having written a book that divulged so many of my darkest secrets and sorrows… until one stranger said to me, “Thank you for being our voice. Thank you for having the courage.”
As I continued sharing with this little girl, I felt I was out-of-body, as if I was standing at my side, listening in on the conversation. I told her how that lady was like an angel and made me feel strong and I said maybe she--the little girl--could also be the one to stand alone and speak on behalf of all her friends who were undoubtedly as afraid as she was in trying so hard to be cool and having to step into a world that would slowly eat at their self-worth… at such a young age. At 51, I remembered and she and I were like one. I saw the sparkle in her eyes as she understood that I was afraid but still chose to stand within my power and that she too, could take a chance and do the same… Who was that little girl? I don’t know but this morning, again we spoke, only it was spirit-2-spirit. I upheld her in God’s love.

There I sat--full circle in my thoughts…

A person does not have to be widely known to be a great teacher. You went where
all great teachers go. To your own wisdom. To your own truth. That is the place
to which you must always go, for it is the place you must turn around and come
from as you teach the world::: You know the truth of it in your heart::: You are
not boasting::: bragging::: you are opening your heart.

Namaste

Grief / Mirrors -- Stage Two {you gotta read first blog with this title

As I have settled into the next stage of “grief/mirroring” in a relationship-sense, I’m slightly numbed by the array of energy that came from me--when I look back at an internal or external anger/extreme sorrow/hurt, you--I--see just what the toll is on my body, mind, and spirit and it ain’t pretty. In fact, my body is continually reminding me that I can no longer “contain” these emotions. You would think after two heart surgeries {physical/metaphysical again}, that I would understand in the exact moment that I move into an unhealthy feeling to get out. The good news is that I understand much faster than ever before and call my spirit back so-to-say. I guess we have to feel sorrow to know joy and there isn’t any going around the emotional-journey but rather, going via the drive-through so it’s fasttracked!!

I forgot a major KEY component on learning in relationship to another. It was only yesterday that I was telling people about this amazing wealth of knowledge I was learning and comprehending. When someone pushes your buttons-it’s because it is-my lesson, or, moment of opportunity--I get pissed or not impressed or annoyed or whatever UNTIL I realize that I can make another choice

BUT first I need to understand the whole concept:

They are pushing my buttons to.... Well, let's let Neale Donal Walsch from Conversations with God explain it from one of his awesome book:

You see, what we do as human beings is, we set the pins up, then we knock them down. What we do as human beings is, we create the exact, right, and perfect set of circumstances {speaking metaphysically now} to allow us to express a part of ourselves that announces and declares who we really are. If who I really am, for instance, is a healer, I will create, metaphysicically, the perfect set of circumstances to allow myself to express "she who heals." I will, therefore, bring into my experience, and even, at some level, create in my outer reality, illness.
The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am.

So, my error was to bring “those who hurt me or pissed me off; ie: my sister” into my experience. If I feel we are pushing each other’s buttons, then it seemed a great opportunity to express it and see it and grow--together BUT I took “me” and made it “you and me.”

What a Master -- no, let’s say GODDESS -- could choose instead--and this is where I now choose--is to see this as my own experience and to change who I am within this experience without another ever knowing, hearing, or being drawn in. People will then know me by my LOVE, not by my, “Hey YOU, I feel you and I push each other’s buttons….”.

I even said there was a sure-fire caveat to this journey through becoming a grander version of my greatest self and that is -- when I am wanting to let’s say “meditate in Manhatten” -- then all of Manhatten will come right at me---bam, bam, bam -- to give me that exact opportunity to choose change:

The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am

How crazy hilarious in a sad sort of way that I’m preaching away and seeing already things coming at me, attacking me {my old self} asking me, “Well, do you wish to continue being your old self or experience a new and grander version of YOU?”

See, “ugly” isn’t a coincidence. It’s an opportunity to look at “ugly” and declare it to be “BE-YOU-ti-FULL” !!

I don’t know what else will be coming down the pike, but I’m getting grounded and stabilized to keep on keeping on and reCREATE a brand new me--love, compassionate, and forgiving of myself and others… that’s my dream. With slight trepidation, I say, “Bring it on universe… bring it on {just a little bit gentle though- pleeeeaaassse”

Grief / Mirrors

I'm just rethinking about religion this morning and needing to get back into my "peaceful" place. In my book, Circles in the Sand, I talk on how the deserts of Arabia were my own reflection of myself as well as all the religions I have personally tried in order to be seen as okay by God and family--which never has happened btw!

I'm in a funk because my born again sister, who SO totally doesn't get me and continually says exactly the same--that I don't get her... and so, stalemate all because of bloody religious dogmas.

I've tried to pull myself away from the constant bombardment of what a sinner I am and thought I was well on my way into that spiritual zone of nirvana... but after receiving another punch-to-the-gut response by me to her--in what I thought was a love/peace and "please understand me" attempt AGAIN, I have to crawl out of grief and into "that place" where I have found love...because she came back with such a barrage of ANGER.

It's true--I have contempt for religion but let me say, religion brought me to "spirituality" and so I must thank my "enemy" for showing me the way to light. Spirituality, by-the-way, ain't no walk in the park at times. One is even more accountable because the journey is an inside job -- it's all about changing ME versus changing my outer experiences. If I say I choose to be accountable and own "shit," -- well, there's just nowhere to hide anymore.

My book was a purging and cleansing but I mistakenly hoped to be "heard" by my family. I truly thought I had grown away from that "need" and so... I now must choose "who I want to be within this moment" and let me say, it's hard not to want to be enraged, sorrowful, and scared and sad and giving up on the whole gameplan. That's why I'm again purging, possibly to myself, possibly to others should they see this blog, and whichever the case, it's for me to find me and get me back into that peaceful zone of love, understanding, compassion, forgiveness... that's spirituality for me.

Being raised Catholic, having born again sibs, and the constant bonbardment of abuse--I thought was far behind me {I never thought I had to cry a few more tears but clearly, I do}.

Funny, my original title for this BLOG was:
Mirror Images are Identical... {Catholic/Muslim} Hello! Another PINK ELEPHANT in the house!.
I was sharing about the POPE and the audacity to change "God's mind" about little unbaptized babies being saved suddenly. Another mirror image you see -- Religion to me is NUTZ and here we are, mirroring out to Muslims about them, rather than looking at ourselves!!

...which brought me to {because I've been in the Middle East so much and had such an out of body experience--sitting at the Wailing Wall--about Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all merging on this one tiny corner in the city of Jerusalem... enough "merging" to cause war after war. And millions of us believe this is God's will. I know it may be hard to stick with me on this purge BUT, I'm hoping that somewhere inside it will make some sense--to YOU but mostly, to ME.

BUT in truth, it's about grief and mirroring for my own life:
: Mirroring the desert as a metaphor for my past life
: Mirroring me not being heard to my sister feeling the same
: Mirroring anger

Mirror Mirror on the Wall--who's the fairest of us all?
Wouldn't it be so cool to say WE ARE ALL THE FAIREST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL… BE-YOU-ti-FULL!!!

I think I am finally back in "that place" where I can go meditate while sitting "in the middle of Manhatten" {metaphysically-speaking}

: Mirroring LOVE and FORGIVENESS

As John Lennon said... I M A G I N E

Gratitude from author of Circles in the Sand

I just saw my name in the middle of such spiritual and inspirational writers and speakers {noted below}, that I had to post it for several reasons: Gratitude. To get rid of the "dis" in believe. To truly use the word Namaste in its highest meaning...

I honour that place in you where the whole Universe resides. And when I am in that place in me and you are in that place in you, there is only one of us.

Thank you to The Divine Mine, a magical store in Calgary--thank you for uplifiting my book--Circles in the Sand!

http://www.divinemine.com/

The Divine Mine

for the body, mind, and spirit
popular author websites we recommend visiting
· Caroline Myss
· Deepak Chopra
· Doreen Virtue
· Drunvalo Melchizedek
· Eckhart Tolle
· Louise Hay
· Rosemary Altea
· Samadhi Whitehouse
· Shakti Gawain
· Stuart Wilde
· Sylvia Browne
· Wayne Dyer

Having written my narrative non-fiction, Circles in the Sand, and having such an amazing response--all from Spirit--leaves me in a place of gratified humbleness. I choose to believe that Circles in the Sand will give inspiration to all who read and travel through the journey. Thank YOU!

www.samadhiwhitehouse.writerswebpages.com