GRIEF / MIRRORS - Stage Two & On & On we go....

I have previously written about Grief/Mirrors and how we truly see each other within the mirror's reflection...through the eyes of another do we see ourselves.

In reflecting, after a heavy disagreement and misunderstanding and not being heard...I wrote a poem that I thought I would share. I hope it makes sense to someone out there who is angry with another...

OUTSIDE OF WITHIN


What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

What part of me left the cocoon of ALL
To allow arrows to pierce the heart…
Words to disintegrate like acid rain over my being

I see me…
What should be ALL of me has become fragmented now that I have wandered outside

Awe - to witness that which I had chosen not to be
I have forgotten for but a moment that has turned into a lifetime

I see me…

Little one?
Innocent babe already lying away from the womb
So soon feeling alone in that room

I see me…

I see me through you -- and your world
The world around me is within me…my mirror

You -- you who cause me hurt!
What power you have to stir such sorrow within my core

You -- who has rejected me!
What emptiness I feel with barely a word

You -- who spews insults at me!
What part of me allows myself to feel them as if I have spoken them and made them my truth?

I see ALL of me outside of the ALL

Oooh, the hurt, the anger, the sorrow, the abandon
Are you ALL of what is not?
Are you ALL that I must be before I re-member

I must go inside now
Within
I must stake claim to what I perceive as the world without causing hurt
It is I -- I echo a voice through my puppet
My puppet speaks insult but in truth, it is I

I have wandered away…

How do I return?

I see. I see. To re-turn is to make a YOU-turn back within
But first, I know
Still -- I know somewhere within -- that I cannot take with me what I have allowed to cause pain
For pain does not exist within

Aaaahh, I see
I see ALL of me as each wound stares into my soul

Come here my wounds -- come and I will heal you
For I have found a new me
The opposite of what you have caused me to feel

If not for you, I would never have found higher ground
For I would not have climbed such a steep hill

If not for you, I could not forgive
Forgive -- to free me
So that I could truly live

I forgive you with thankfulness
Thank you hurt, sorrow, anger
Thank you for showing me ALL that I am not

What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

Blessed ALL, for you have become I AM
I AM cleansed through the sweat of my sorrow -- through the sweat of climbing that hill

And now I see
I see with amazing clarity

I AM no longer those parts of me that are wounded
For they are disintegrated within the light

What part of me left the ALL to wander outside of my higher self?

With thankfulness, I leave the world’s reflections of my old self behind
I have climbed the steep hill because I have re-membered
I AM part of ALL THAT IS LOVE
I AM…

L O V E

: Surgery -- another thought today

Wow, it was such a cathartic day when I was able to write out my emotions and see how long it took me--and what it took--to get back to that peaceful place. Phew, and then more and more keeps coming. This must be written in the stars to begin something new {or something very old that is needing a NEW approach perhaps}.

I felt so grateful in my last post to be alive and live to tell about the day. The week has gone on and a new feeling has washed over me.

For those who never my first post on heart surgery, my ribcage was not put together completely and is causing a constant irritation/pain when I breath deep, walk fast, burp, hiccup, sneeze, and basically....breath and live.
Surgeons and specialists have passed me from one to another, nobody wanting to take the lead, saying only surgery to reopen and try and close it again is the answer. My surgeon who did the work doesn't even know all this has happened. I'm sure if he new, he would care. So, here I am, two years gone by, realizing time's aren't a'changin' and I need to deal/cope/accept all of this. There is one guru in my life helping and that's my wonderful chiropractor; without him, I would have zero help... here's a beautiful continuation to help me grow and find PEACE {she's always hiding somewhere inside of me--you'd think I would remember that by now} Oi -- to be human!!

I woke up today and as I splashed water on my face, I looked down at my scar. I remembered how for most of my life, I had used my sexuality because that's what I had learned to do to be "loved" but once that scar appeared at such a young age {for me} -- I had to throw out my beautiful sexy dress I wore on special occasions. I had to adapt, which added to my already begun journey into true healing. I joked to myself that I would tell others I lost in a dueling sword match; yeah, a fencing match. That would be my fame. I never did use that story.

Even after my second surgery and years later, I sometimes feel uncomfortable but then, I remind myself that I AM alive. Today was beautiful. As much of my healing {spiritual and emotional} took place in the Middle East, my mind often goes there for interpretation. Today, I saw my scar as an Arabian woman's veil--hiding her/my true wounds or self or core of our essence underneath that visible scar... it was the invisible that would be either more painful or more joyous as moments tick by. For me, the moments have turned into hours into days into weeks into months into--well--infinity. How I would love to take the veils off of not only our Arabian sisters, but each of us who veils and hides what's beneath the scar...

And just under my veil, I suddenly imagined my ribcage as a huge gate into a mansion; in essence, making me the gatekeeper, inviting in whatever energy I chose to see what lays beneath her mysteries. The gate is slightly open, allowing for one's eye to peak through the gap and see inside... the majestic mountains {you say mountains, I say lungs}, the beautiful streams, waterfalls, and rivers {you say blood flow and arteries, I say flowing chi / water {life force}.... As your pupils adjust to peaking through the small hole in the CENTRE of the ribcage/gateway... you see a beautiful, pulsating, heart-shape, seemingly the core to all of the other movements--the maestro who keeps the tempo, the rhythm, the BEAT... on and on and on--to the rhythm of life itself.

Oh, how I love healing... as it is late, I'm suddenly thinking Shakespeare {I think}--it's time for beddie bies to sleep, per chance to dream -- Good Nite Peoples of the World
Namaste

Gratitude from author of Circles in the Sand

I just saw my name in the middle of such spiritual and inspirational writers and speakers {noted below}, that I had to post it for several reasons: Gratitude. To get rid of the "dis" in believe. To truly use the word Namaste in its highest meaning...

I honour that place in you where the whole Universe resides. And when I am in that place in me and you are in that place in you, there is only one of us.

Thank you to The Divine Mine, a magical store in Calgary--thank you for uplifiting my book--Circles in the Sand!

http://www.divinemine.com/

The Divine Mine

for the body, mind, and spirit
popular author websites we recommend visiting
· Caroline Myss
· Deepak Chopra
· Doreen Virtue
· Drunvalo Melchizedek
· Eckhart Tolle
· Louise Hay
· Rosemary Altea
· Samadhi Whitehouse
· Shakti Gawain
· Stuart Wilde
· Sylvia Browne
· Wayne Dyer

Having written my narrative non-fiction, Circles in the Sand, and having such an amazing response--all from Spirit--leaves me in a place of gratified humbleness. I choose to believe that Circles in the Sand will give inspiration to all who read and travel through the journey. Thank YOU!

www.samadhiwhitehouse.writerswebpages.com