Youth With A Mission.... and me--a personal experience

Youth With A Mission - a personal journey

You know, I was in “YWAM” trying desperately to not be me. When I wrote Circles in the Sand, for some reason I chose to leave out the name of my “death camp” -- and I mean that with all due respect and in relativity to my life’s journey. YWAM was death to self and rebirth to Christ--but the judgemental journey destroyed my spirit, leaving me feeling even more abominable to God than I had already been judged by family. I don’t know why I “protected” the name of an abuser? As strong as that sounds, all fundamental/judgemental/dogma and religious fervor that refuses any possibility outside of a book is an abuse of ALL that we have surrounding us--galaxy upon galaxy / ancient civilization / a soul that speaks to each of us.

And now, murder and suicide and questions of YWAM being a cult. I don't think they are a cult because they let their members go. Although they certainly tried to strip me down--even the way I worshipped God disturbed them -- I think "extremist" "fundamentalist" is what Youth With A Mission is. Cult-ish in that they believe nothing outside of the Bible and being saved by Christ.

In my other blogging/journaling I see a common theme of how life "mirrors" back to each of us and I find it fascinating that the Islamic faith is greatly feared and "cult-ish" on our side of the planet BUT on the other side, you can look through the mirror and see a reflection of the exact same fundamentalist-extreme surge of belief and doctrine. They stand soul-2-soul outside of one chooses physical murdering of "infidels" while the other chooses "judgement and death of Spirit" to the "infidels" who do not receive Christ as the ONLY way to salvation and heaven. This is MY take; my experience; my journey... I hope if anyone is struggling with a forced need to change {ie: being gay is of the devil} -- please give a New Spirituality some thought. Perhaps "God" as he has been defined is much, much, much more than fear....perhaps she is LOVE!

As I struggled to survive a year with Youth With A Mission {plus another 3-month stint}, I was greeted by my family with another surprise…I was kidnapped by an ex-Moonie who attempted to deprogram me for 13-hours, all-inclusive with windows being boarded up, not being allowed to go to the bathroom, being manhandled, desperately trying to escape…. until finally the jerk with a major chip on his shoulder declared me sane! Come to think of it, that’s more than YWAM did--they thought I was possessed by demons, just as they believe this murder/suicide is of the devil…as is everything and everyone who does not declare Jesus as their saviour.

I think I have to go “The Work” by Byron Katie -- www.thework.com because I obviously have some more forgiving to do…. Such feelings of anger are reappearing for a worldwide organization that tried to change every thing about me in an attempt to make me acceptable in the eyes of God. It’s so mindblowing and I am so deeply thankful that I had an outlet to write about my journey through religion… my heart feels such sorrow for these deaths.

I want to say to any one who is struggling because they are trying to be in a religious-anything…YOU are beautiful -- that’s BE-YOU-ti-FULL exactly as you are as long as you come from a place of love--we need accountability and boundaries because we are not quite evolved to think BIG. Go within and ask the universe/Spirit/the Divine {we’ve become afraid to use “God” because of the misuse of his name}--ask quietly to be shown your soul, your heart, your love and know that you are safe being who you are.

Yes, YWAM gave me an opportunity to see much of the world; to allow me to help Lebanon as Israel invaded and interestingly, the Middle East became a metaphor of my life--but the one thing YWAM didn’t give was LOVE. They went as far as to bring me to the “casting away of demons” room because they felt Satan dwelled within. And we think Islam is wild!

I just sit by the ocean and feel myself drifting out of this galaxy and into the universe and looking back from God’s view…how un-evolved we are. It just feels so easy to LOVE but we have been innately taught that we are born into sin and with that being our starting gate, how do we crawl into self-love and then pay it forward?

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ….all we need is LOVE! I once asked my “twin-angel,” precious niece Tempest what she thought “God” meant and she looked at me as if I was crazy to ask because it was so simple an answer. Her wise old soul spoke through her 6-year-old body as she shrugged her shoulder in pity that I even needed to ask and said, “LOVE!” as if there was no other thought or word or dogma or religion or book that had to tell her what her soul already knew…. L O V E!