Grief / Mirrors -- Stage Two {you gotta read first blog with this title

As I have settled into the next stage of “grief/mirroring” in a relationship-sense, I’m slightly numbed by the array of energy that came from me--when I look back at an internal or external anger/extreme sorrow/hurt, you--I--see just what the toll is on my body, mind, and spirit and it ain’t pretty. In fact, my body is continually reminding me that I can no longer “contain” these emotions. You would think after two heart surgeries {physical/metaphysical again}, that I would understand in the exact moment that I move into an unhealthy feeling to get out. The good news is that I understand much faster than ever before and call my spirit back so-to-say. I guess we have to feel sorrow to know joy and there isn’t any going around the emotional-journey but rather, going via the drive-through so it’s fasttracked!!

I forgot a major KEY component on learning in relationship to another. It was only yesterday that I was telling people about this amazing wealth of knowledge I was learning and comprehending. When someone pushes your buttons-it’s because it is-my lesson, or, moment of opportunity--I get pissed or not impressed or annoyed or whatever UNTIL I realize that I can make another choice

BUT first I need to understand the whole concept:

They are pushing my buttons to.... Well, let's let Neale Donal Walsch from Conversations with God explain it from one of his awesome book:

You see, what we do as human beings is, we set the pins up, then we knock them down. What we do as human beings is, we create the exact, right, and perfect set of circumstances {speaking metaphysically now} to allow us to express a part of ourselves that announces and declares who we really are. If who I really am, for instance, is a healer, I will create, metaphysicically, the perfect set of circumstances to allow myself to express "she who heals." I will, therefore, bring into my experience, and even, at some level, create in my outer reality, illness.
The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am.

So, my error was to bring “those who hurt me or pissed me off; ie: my sister” into my experience. If I feel we are pushing each other’s buttons, then it seemed a great opportunity to express it and see it and grow--together BUT I took “me” and made it “you and me.”

What a Master -- no, let’s say GODDESS -- could choose instead--and this is where I now choose--is to see this as my own experience and to change who I am within this experience without another ever knowing, hearing, or being drawn in. People will then know me by my LOVE, not by my, “Hey YOU, I feel you and I push each other’s buttons….”.

I even said there was a sure-fire caveat to this journey through becoming a grander version of my greatest self and that is -- when I am wanting to let’s say “meditate in Manhatten” -- then all of Manhatten will come right at me---bam, bam, bam -- to give me that exact opportunity to choose change:

The opposite of that which I am, that I might express and experience who I am

How crazy hilarious in a sad sort of way that I’m preaching away and seeing already things coming at me, attacking me {my old self} asking me, “Well, do you wish to continue being your old self or experience a new and grander version of YOU?”

See, “ugly” isn’t a coincidence. It’s an opportunity to look at “ugly” and declare it to be “BE-YOU-ti-FULL” !!

I don’t know what else will be coming down the pike, but I’m getting grounded and stabilized to keep on keeping on and reCREATE a brand new me--love, compassionate, and forgiving of myself and others… that’s my dream. With slight trepidation, I say, “Bring it on universe… bring it on {just a little bit gentle though- pleeeeaaassse”

Grief / Mirrors

I'm just rethinking about religion this morning and needing to get back into my "peaceful" place. In my book, Circles in the Sand, I talk on how the deserts of Arabia were my own reflection of myself as well as all the religions I have personally tried in order to be seen as okay by God and family--which never has happened btw!

I'm in a funk because my born again sister, who SO totally doesn't get me and continually says exactly the same--that I don't get her... and so, stalemate all because of bloody religious dogmas.

I've tried to pull myself away from the constant bombardment of what a sinner I am and thought I was well on my way into that spiritual zone of nirvana... but after receiving another punch-to-the-gut response by me to her--in what I thought was a love/peace and "please understand me" attempt AGAIN, I have to crawl out of grief and into "that place" where I have found love...because she came back with such a barrage of ANGER.

It's true--I have contempt for religion but let me say, religion brought me to "spirituality" and so I must thank my "enemy" for showing me the way to light. Spirituality, by-the-way, ain't no walk in the park at times. One is even more accountable because the journey is an inside job -- it's all about changing ME versus changing my outer experiences. If I say I choose to be accountable and own "shit," -- well, there's just nowhere to hide anymore.

My book was a purging and cleansing but I mistakenly hoped to be "heard" by my family. I truly thought I had grown away from that "need" and so... I now must choose "who I want to be within this moment" and let me say, it's hard not to want to be enraged, sorrowful, and scared and sad and giving up on the whole gameplan. That's why I'm again purging, possibly to myself, possibly to others should they see this blog, and whichever the case, it's for me to find me and get me back into that peaceful zone of love, understanding, compassion, forgiveness... that's spirituality for me.

Being raised Catholic, having born again sibs, and the constant bonbardment of abuse--I thought was far behind me {I never thought I had to cry a few more tears but clearly, I do}.

Funny, my original title for this BLOG was:
Mirror Images are Identical... {Catholic/Muslim} Hello! Another PINK ELEPHANT in the house!.
I was sharing about the POPE and the audacity to change "God's mind" about little unbaptized babies being saved suddenly. Another mirror image you see -- Religion to me is NUTZ and here we are, mirroring out to Muslims about them, rather than looking at ourselves!!

...which brought me to {because I've been in the Middle East so much and had such an out of body experience--sitting at the Wailing Wall--about Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all merging on this one tiny corner in the city of Jerusalem... enough "merging" to cause war after war. And millions of us believe this is God's will. I know it may be hard to stick with me on this purge BUT, I'm hoping that somewhere inside it will make some sense--to YOU but mostly, to ME.

BUT in truth, it's about grief and mirroring for my own life:
: Mirroring the desert as a metaphor for my past life
: Mirroring me not being heard to my sister feeling the same
: Mirroring anger

Mirror Mirror on the Wall--who's the fairest of us all?
Wouldn't it be so cool to say WE ARE ALL THE FAIREST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL… BE-YOU-ti-FULL!!!

I think I am finally back in "that place" where I can go meditate while sitting "in the middle of Manhatten" {metaphysically-speaking}

: Mirroring LOVE and FORGIVENESS

As John Lennon said... I M A G I N E

Neale Donald Walsch, bestselling author Conversation With God series and more

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Neale's coming to Vancouver to complete his worldwide tour of ONENESS and it would be awesome if you could come!! We -- by connecting through Bono and American Idol and Neale and on and on -- WE can change the world!!

We're just a hop, skip, and a rock's through from Washington, Seattle, LA... c'mon and see Neale in action. His video is on my blog if you want a peak at his gentle genious. He's friends with Bono and the connection feels so complete!!

Allelulia!! Babies are Now SAVED at last!!!

If you can enlarge it, you can undoubtedly read the great news in any paper or on-line or through the Vatican's Theological Commission or on The Catholic News Service website!!
No offence intended; it's just my journey and the outrageously insanity of what we, as humans with brains, have allowed ourselves to fall into...

I would love to ponder with the “peeps” of the world how the human-made-decision to make the Pope Catholic...no, I'm sorry--to make the Pope INFALLIBLE has given HIM the ability to decide to suddenly save babies who were once {and that's a REALLY LONG "ONCE" doomed... but now because the Pope is without sin--he has the power to tell millions and millions of Catholics that unbaptized babies will no longer be doomed--but suddenly SAVED!!

With this infallibility, ability to change--at presumably God's will--any law whatsoever, I would love the Vatican to help God/Pope to keep us waiting no longer... and get to the presses with HIS writings of his own Conversations With God--with or without having to meet with the Vatican studies group!! What sayeth God to the only human who is without sin in our current age?

I was born Catholic, raised Catholic, and it took me into my fourth decade to get OUT in more ways than one... OUT of the closet; OUT of religion; OUT of how this tiny little planet brings GOD into our little tiny space..

Doesn't anybody want to trip out of our galaxy, into the other cosmos, and have a God-eye view on whuz-up?? God = LOVE so why is the planet so out of love with each other? IF only we could step out of our skin, out of our mind, and into SPIRIT. I have finally found peace within Spirit, leaving religion--all of them--behind. If we each thought about it… I wonder??

I've reacted to this insane article and decision because {sadly-- it's a story that touches home in my book Circles in the Sand -- about when my sister's baby was dying and against her wishes, my mother snuck in a Catholic priest to perform the Last Rights so the sweet, precious 10-day-old darling soul of Mick wouldn't forever be plunged DOWN {although when we're in the cosmos -- there is no Up and no Down and No East and No West... groovy & cool}... to LIMBO for eternity!

Settle down on prayers to God for the next while because THEY have a "hole" lot of backlogged babies at those gates, waiting to finally get a cuddle from Mother God....

Two more stops before Vancouver

Just in case there are PEEPS out there who have read the Conversations With God books, seen the movie, seen The Secret and know of Neale Donald Walsch, there is still time to see him.
If anyone has read my book--a journey truly through the darkness of religion {several} to the lightness of just BEING LOVE, you'll know that for me to promote something "spiritual," that it is for everyone.
Especially in times of war, hatred and killing--his talk will be about all of that and how the world is the way it is today and how we can individually and collectively use our ENERGY to change our seemingly downward spiral!
There's lots of various info on my BLOG but here's his final stops -- give yourself a present and go -- your life will change forever and nope, you won't be in a cult whatsoever {as my family thought I had been once--they even had me kidnapped by an ex-Moonie for deprogramming}. See, I know about religion and I've chosen spirituality with a twist because I can be quite vulgar and unladylike at times!! {ha-ha}....


Enjoy an"AROUND THE WORLD IN ONENESS"
The Humanity's Team 2007 World Tour
REMAINING STOPS:

* ARGENTINA -- April 22-23, Buenos Aires
* UNITED STATES -- April 27-29, Atlanta
* CANADA -- April 29, VancouverFor more information on times, locations, and ticket availabilities for these events, go to www.htworldtour.org

IF anyone comes to Vancouver--you absolutely must say HIGH to me and give some hugs!!!
Peace-out for now!!

Peeps of the World--Come join in an incredible journey with bestselling author who had a movie made about him {don't WE wish} &is part of The Secret

Conversations With God & US & a NEW SPIRITUALITY where we are all just LOVE

Here's the link -- if you know anyone in Vancouver--pass it to them; if you know anyone with $$$$$ or who is a philanthropist--pass it to them.
When we give, so shall we receive -- thank YOU "peeps of the world"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PL6mogIVMNs